If it were left up to me, I’d attempt to defrost a fridge on carpet.

My jeans are fitting loosely these days.

My car has never been cleaner.

I’ve read your email.

I think about nothing sometimes.

I am unaffected by addiction.

The plant Uranus was almost named “George.”

I spent all morning looking for the real Paris Hilton sex video.

Mr. Belvedere was magic.

I finished “Infinite Jest.”

I’m thinking of buying a new, USB-stylee webcam.

The Log Lady was never married.

Matrix: Revolutions sux mad dicks.

You will cry, and hard, when she finally fills you in.

I found this crazy dog.