Bits of conversation I had or overheard during my bar shift tonight:
Man with the blue shirt and long face: “She left me. Left a note. And, man, she only packed one suitcase. Damn near broke my heart in two.”
Trashy, blonde redneck lady drinking draft Bud Light: “I told that motherfucker to not leave Travis alone with them puppies.”
Me: “Look at that, Marlboro 27s. I have never seen those.”
Her: (reaches to hand me one)
Me: “Oh, I don’t smoke. I quit. But thank you though.”
Her: “Then you don’t get one. I’ll just tell you how smooth they are and watch you jones.”
Dude beside Her: “27 is the numbers of swepts it took to make that cigarette. Little dirt, a little hair, some rat turds…”
Me: “Hey, how are you?”
Asshole with cheap, feet-stinky cigar: “I need a Sapphire and tonic and a banana daquiri.”
Me: “Oh no, I said, ‘Hey, how are you?’”
Little, tiny lady with the neat purse but questionable eyewear: “I’ll have the Chicken on…”
Me: “The Chicken on the Barbie?”
Little, tiny lady: “Yeah, thanks for not making me say it.”
Me: “Oh, no problem.”
Doofus guy with awful haircut: “Can we watch the Victoria’s Secret fashion show?”
Me: (in my head) “Well, it is prime time on ABC. And, uh, ‘no rules, just right’ or whatever.”
Me: “Yeah, I guess.”
-30 minutes later-
The Boss: “Brittney! Turn that off! This is a family restaurant and naked ladies are not appropraite for family restaurants!
Me: (in my head) Like I care about the dang naked ladies!
Some smarmy guy in a black suit: (to K., a pretty hostess) “I have lots of money.”
K., the pretty hostess, who I think now totally rules: “That’s unremarkable.”
10 comments ↓
Wow! Who is pretty hostess K? Ummm… -thinks-…. was it Kayla?
what’s wrong with saying “barbie”? damn, if she wants to eat in a pseudo-australian themed restaurant with food we (australians) don’t eat, then how can she have a problem with saying pseudo-australian words that we don’t say?
Hahahah! Banana Daquari ahahahahahah! Did you make him one?
Re: the Marlboro 27s. That’s pretty funny. I heard another smartass theory about the origin of the “27″ from a gas station cashier: On the 27th day of each month they sweep everything off the floor to make them. Eerily similar. Urban legend in the making?
“I told that motherfucker to not leave Travis alone with them puppies”
you’ve never REALLY lived in the south until that sentence sounds familiar.
“That’s unremarkable.”
I will TOTALLY have to remember that one. :)
“She left me. Left a note.”
Pure Carver.
But, like Zandria, what I’ll be using a lot from now on is that magnificent “That’s unremarkable”. What a pithy, unanswerable way to tell someone they’d have been better off if their mouth had remained shut.
I really look forward to future clips - the genius is in the selection and the realistic (but artful) “transcription”.
Thanks, B!
What the heck are Marlboro 27s? I did a search for them but I just ended up back here!!
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