While it has done me good and proud, I think it best to lay my current tagline to rest. “Like the Star Wars kid, but on purpose” still makes me laugh, but I’m itching for a new label.
And a contest.
I’ve thunk up ten new taglines, and woe is me, my little girl mind can’t decide. Looks like I’ll need some help.
I will list the ten taglines I wrote below and to compete you just vote on your favorite in the comments section and/or add a new tagline of your own. In one week’s time I will restructure a new list of 15–a selection of mine and those other’s wrote–at which time there will be a final vote. Say, 48 hours later.
The winner, if there is one chosen (as one of my own taglines may get the most votes, nyah), will receive the sparkling satisfaction of a job best done. And a prominent link to his or her own site with a big fat thank-you in the side column. Shit for prize, you say? You speak the truth. So don’t go losing any sleep over your entry.
My ten submissions:
Sparkwood & 21
You won’t need directions
All lying, all the time
100% cursing
Like 50 Cent, but harder
Watch me brain-fuck you
Buy two, get a free opinion
May induce infirmness
Get your feet on the couch!
Fondling your funny bone since before yesterday
Now it’s creamed-corn scented!
See? Surely you can do better than that.
78 comments ↓
I love:
Now it’s creamed-corn scented!
I would like to see:
gettin’ ranked higher with naked pictures of ______________
and the blank would change every few weeks with tasty specimens like Margaret Thatcher, Nancy Reagan, Bee Arthur, and such…
We Poop More Before 8am Than Most Blogs Poop ALL DAY.
Can we submit more than one?
How about:
Sparkwood & 21:
The musings of Dong Resin’s wetnurse.
or
Now completely Condi Rice-fanfic free!
#1 return for “animoller’s vagina”
I vote for Fondling your funny bone since before yesterday.
and
See? Surely you can do better than that.
-Tastes like chicken
-It’s fun for a girl or a boy
-No frizzle in this nizzle
-Now with aspertain!
-Broken JPG
-My other weblog is a supahstah!
-My other weblog is kicking your ass
-Read, scroll, comment, post, leave.
-I’m looking through your stuff right now
Sparkwood & 21: a DAMN fine cup of coffee
how about all of them. randomly displayed?
I have a quick php script that will randomize them, if you want.
none of those are very good…all pretty weak attempts at humor.
^^^^^
That’s your tagline.
Always OK, sometimes great, and occasionally brilliant.
How about: You know you’ve arrived when you’ve got a personal heckler.
dropping science, you don’t even know what hits you / next thing you know you’re 13 and get a bar mitzvah
personal favourite: you won’t need directions
personal suggestions:
-jump from the sinking ship to the bandwagon
-a bunch of keys that don’t open anything
-and that is my foot you’re stepping on
-I’ll lose my grip if I get off this couch, I promise
-love stains
-(finally) the light of art undivorced from reason that sees things both scientifically and imaginitively and says that they are good
“Where the ¢ key lives on.”
“Better than a 404 page.”
“Every 1000th page load is a naked picture of a celebrity.”
Sparkwood & 21: Calmer than you are, dude.
I was always a fan of “it’s my duty to grease that booty” from your old site.
How about:
- I was sixth in a stupid blog gameshow
Assuming you don’t change the color scheme:
“You’re craving some pumpkin pie, aren’t you?”
“Still in the fridge well after the expiration date”
“Because you really don’t have anything better to do with your time”
Almost pretty; nearly talented
(For the dim-witted, that would be used as self-effacing humor, not an insult)
The way I see it, you can never go wrong with a hilarious South Park quote.
While I don’t agree with your heckler’s anonymized cowardice, I do have to agree with him/her that I’m underwhelmed with the original 10 options and am more fond of some of these comment suggestions. I especially like “Jump from the sinking ship to the bandwagon.” Brilliant.
I’d have to vote for the Brainfuck.
And my suggestion:
A young woman, wrapped in plastic.
Ummm how about
‘I try in vain to be funny using what everyone else is talking about on the web this week. But on purpose’
The naked truth. In underwear.
and pyrimyd, you LIAR!
Ummm……
Sodium benzoate added to retard spoilage.
The Girl in the Invisible Bikini.
All of your Blogs are belong to Us!
Like the Star Wars Kid, but with a Nicer Ass.
You is my Elf Ho.
Blog hog wog trog snog!!!
I’ve met Edgeling!
^_^
Screaming Properly Since 1999
Like Vice President Richard B. Cheney, but inadvertently.
I just want to kiss your watery hands…
Like Kryptonite to Sober
How about, “A sexual ninja with a taco laser”? Oh, that’s a nice one.
Wait…animoller has a VAGINA? How does she find it, what with that enormous stick up her arse?
Like Paris Hilton with Voice Mail
You’re may feel a little pinch
Now with tryptophan
Skid Marks the Spot
Faking it with feeling
The Lynch mob forms to the left
Contents may have shifted during flight
Faking it with feeling
-Will Raleigh
This is without a doubt the best so far, excluding mine, of course.
No, the OTHER brittney.
Professional blogger on closed course. Do not attempt.
Don’t be scared; it’s just Brittney kicking your ass.
(Second one cribbed from something I heard at work last week. I think it deserves bonus points because it’s got a semicolon in it.)
- the justice of the unicorn
- new karate education is the best
- reconstructing the exploded
- killing time/killing innocents
- cunting up the intraweb
- adventures on the rag
- the tits version of “funny”
yes, some of those are rejected mercator song titles. the last 3 are cos you’re a girl.
It crawled out of my ass, and that’s why I love it!
No, no wait!
The wonderchicken makes my wobbler go frenzy time!
…the monkey or the organ-grinder?
…hit ‘er in the shitter!
…no irish need apply.
…nice marmot.
…for the low-carb lifestyle.
Or how about…
.
The girl who got a Blog and accidentally saved the world.
My friends call me B-Dawg, and now you can, too!
You are a decrepit monkey skeleton.
Spunky doesn’t like her uniform.
My insanity has a frightening logic.
And screw, might I add, YOU!
Wizzbagnin’ bitchcake!
The perpetual shrug.
There’s no shame in being a pariah.
See the evil feline I have become.
Groin-grabbingly transcendent
All of your hot bitches are belong to us!
.
.
^_^
I like what battletapes said. I can do no better.
How about:
Everyone is jealous of the VCB
/shameless flirtation
oh, I get it. I’m a moron. Climbing back under my rock.
You can’t beat our meat, but you can try.
Hmm, how come my post got listed under sabre-toothed librarian?
This is why I can’t get dates. I can’t even flirt in a comments section right. Sigh.
Now in Smellovision!
>>Now in Smellovision!
I like that one.
I vote for ‘Nice Marmot,’ or
- All the abuse fit to print
My favorite suggestions thus far (though they are all good, except for a couple):
-jump from the sinking ship to the bandwagon
-I was sixth in a stupid blog gameshow
-The Lynch mob forms to the left
-cunting up the intraweb
-the tits version of “funny”
hey ethiod:
this template is a little misleading. the comment belongs to the person listed beneath the comment, on the other side of that line. The line just *looks* like it is dividing one comment from another. Weird.
- Diary of a Bored Housewife
- 33% Less Cholesterol Than Regular Sparkwood
- Half Baked Since 1992
- You May Feel A Slight Pinching Sensation
- Like Sugar, Only Brown
- Dial Down the Middle
- You Can Look, but Don’t Touch
- A Melange of Letters and Punctuation Signs
I’ve only been half-baked since late 1999.
I’m not going to read all that shit. I am a sleepy, disgruntled man. I vote for:
and my submission(s) is/are:
Holy shit, these are good:
More votes!
And one more from me:
I’m bored at work!
http://vidiot.typepad.com/telescreen/2003/12/help_brittney_t.html
Help Brittney think up a tagline.
Fuck the 27 Pieces of Flair
Welcome, O Very Hott Reader of Mine
Like Dong_Resin, but Cuter
(a few more. i, too, am bored):
- Sung to the Tune of Spandau Ballet’s “True”
- Recommended by 1 out of 5 Dentists
- Soundtrack Available on Jive Records
- New Shit Has Come to Light
(all shamelessly lifted from your bio):
Half Hotbed, Half Wasteland.
A Shit-Ton of Ennui
Busting A Funky Move On That Ass Since 1999
You can never go wrong with brain-fucking and fondling.
btw, these pictures of sara gilbert look remarkably similar to your latest picture. i guess it runs in the family…
http://www.nola.ornskoldsvik.se/pj/gallery.html
i’m glad mikro and sabre liked mine. i like mikro’s “Short on stories, long on worries” a lot, too.
maybe some more later, when i’m not “busy recording” (i’m taking a break, i swear, god)
How About: I have erotic dreams of *insert name here* every night
The Truth: According to Brit
Da Shit: According to Brit
The Truth: According to Brit
Da Shit: According to Brit
The skankiest eloquence ever.
Mae West would blush.
Good stuff:
-The lynch mob forms to the left
-The tits version of “funny”
My question is, why call out to the public for suggestions when you’ve already got a great big cookie jar right at hand? Look at what I gathered in five minutes of clicking through Sparkwoodville:
-My jealousy might be out of fear.
-Fake nudes, free thumbnails. I needed the money.
-I’ve got Saran Wrap and … a butthole.
-Rockin’ yer titties.
-Yeah. I do it for the six-pack.
Bet there’s a lot more gems in your stockpile too.
I like “Insert Witty Tagline Here”
how ’bout: Infectious, usually in the good way
Set up a random script to do it, or it’ll never be as good as the Star Wars tag. I want to be suprised every time I come here.
You break it, you buy it.
Caution: Do not eat.
Not tested on animals.
No animals were harmed in the making of this blog.
i tried to resist but i just had to get one in there:
“warning: in case of second coming this blog will not be empty”
btw-did your vcb tell you i never got a cd?
“How do you pronounce ‘invalid’?”
Eat Fresh.
Lions, and Tigers, and…what the fuck is that?
I like mammals.
Cute like a baby. But doesn’t smell like shit.
Now with 50% more funny.
Wombat-Free.
Entrails? What entrails?
Wit is not a four letter word.
Strong enough for a man,
pH balanced as a woman.
- don’t be scurred
- and you thought egg rolls were tasty.
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