Just a moment ago, frustrated by the ongoing construction outside my studio apartment, I banged my fist on the window and shook my finger disapprovingly at the men in trucks below.
Immediately the beeps stopped beeping, the trucks turned off their engines and the shoveling and jackhammering totally subsided. It was dead quiet.
For about five minutes, that is, until they started right back up. They were grinding the gravel with their huge trucks, paving the street again with that stinky, black muck. But for about five minutes I felt like maybe I had some secret super power or something. All is took was the rap of my hand and a stern look and all the noise I’d heard for days was gone.
So I tried it again. I went to the window and rapped not too forcefully, believing that maybe I had somehow gained the ability to hush construction crews with a single touch of my hand, at which time my fist went right through the glass.
Seems those with super powers hide under the covers and squeal, "I’m in so much trouble!" when they accidentally punch out a window.
18 comments ↓
Oh, my heavens. Damn you crop tool, damn you to hell!
whoa. like actually busted out the window? are you okay? i guess you’re able to type, anyway.
maybe the second time cosmic rays made the glass into brittinite and your powers went all “season three of knight rider”.
And I got to see that shit. She had me all convinced that she had really influenced the environment. So when I saw her about to pound on an already cracked window with attitude, I decided that she *obviously* knew what she was doing, and that I did not want her shushing *me*. So the sound of the glass shattering below was maybe the funniest thing I’ve heard since The Darkness.
Oh, and - what crop tool?
my guess is the photoshop crop tool. it was the ‘oh, my heavens’ that gave it away… i, of course am only tracking because i was thinking *deeeaaaammmmnnnn. you lucky bastard.*
or something…
Luck has nothing to do with it. STL has mad powers of woo.
http://vidiot.typepad.com/telescreen/2003/12/brittneys_still.html
Brittney’s still learning to use her powers.
“Mad powers of woo”…now THERE’S a tagline for ya.
I thougth I had powers turning red lights into green!!!!
Crap. I had prepared a really awesome comment with links and everything about turning red lights to green, and it didn’t post. Your loss.
Yeah. My “Oh, my heavens” comment was regarding photoshop tools. And the thought that somewhere, for someone, there exists in full panoramic cinemascope with three-part harmony and feeling an uncensored version of a full frontal super-hero Brittney.
Yea. It fucking rules. “woo” or not, I feel pretty lucky. As well as she writes, and as flattering as the “crop tool” can be, my expectations are exceeded daily. Super-hero Brittney indeed.
One time construction was going on outside my apartment well past the noise ordinance time limits. So one night after they left I crept down there armed with super-glue. I glued all the padlocks shut and did some other damage.
Then the next day I drank and waited for them to arrive.
When they did, I laughed out loud at their expletives as they discovered they couldn’t get in.
They heard me, and worse, saw me in my apartment window laughing my head off.
Next thing, I’m being carted away in handcuffs, and on my birthday of all things!
STL=VCB?
Now I understand a lot of things better.
That’s eerily reminiscent of when I punched a bunch of tile off my shower. My neighbor was playing Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond at window-rattling volume while I was in there, and I rapped politely on the wall. I thought maybe after one time through, he would turn it down, or off, or at least put something else on. But no! This guy had Sweet Caroline on repeat! Still Neil droned on. I banged harder on the tile, and screamed in a very primal sort of way, something like “OHMYFUCKINGGODTURNTHATSHITOFFYOUINCREDIBLEASSHOLE!”. Then something all kung fu happened and I punched the tile wall and broke a bunch of it off.
Neil switched off, and I heard the neighbor jogging down his stairs.
From the sound of it, he was obviously a large individual. I got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around my shame and prepared for my imminent death.
I’m not your neighbor, but I must to confess to playing Sweet Caroline on repeat. Especially the live version. Shitty MIDI version here. With lyrics. Sing it.
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