I’m moving in three days. I’ve packed nothing. Gifts for tomorow sit unwrapped in bags I brought them home in.
Two trash bags sit full in the can, one teetering atop the other. A small pizza box is propped up on the floor. I am staring at a dead camera, a dusty lamp, a days-old cup of take-out coffee and about 18 post-its with story and essay ideas.
And I’ve got writer’s block. Something awful.
I’m hoping it’s seasonal. I’ve got the stress of an upcoming move, work is out of control presently (in terms of how busy we are, as well as my hatred for it), I’ve been broke thanks to my GETTING BENT on the primo shifts. But now I’m sort of not broke, though I’m still just sort of hanging in there. I’ve had this jaw problem–this thing with my TMJ muscle where my fucking face bones rub together in the most excruciating way you can imagine. I’m all out of muscle relaxants. My jaw clicks when I talk or eat. By the end of the day the left side of my face is hot and swollen-feeling on the inside. I should add face doctor to the dental, gyno, optical and stylist appointments I need to make. Oh, and I’ve been doing what people in therapy call “work,” wherein I cry a whole bunch and think about how fucked up that shit I called “growing up” was. I am just discovering how utterly sad I am. Not depressed, sad. I’ve been finding it hard to get it up to laugh, even.
So. I am thinking the writing thing is temporary. Writing about not being able to write is about as retarded as it gets. But before I sat down to write this entry the thought of even a single sentence seemed impossible.
This is at least fifteen or so.
8 comments ↓
If you can write this well with writer’s block *and* look that good in that shirt then you must be doing something right. So many things on your list will be different in just days. Hang in there.
yea, I agree with VCB. Holidays are always hard. It’s a time when we should just “cast our cares aside” and be jolly all the time. And then we feel guilty for feeling like shit on top of just feeling like shit. So hang in there. And as for the writer’s block, i’m sure it”ll pass. I aspire to write as well as you on your worst day.
That said, I recommend booze.
Cheers!
I bet you ten to one the writer’s block is
only a result of having too much on your
plate right now–you’re probably anxious
about moving and your brain’s probably tired from from working and if you’re anything like me, you worry when you’re broke (even though it always
turns out I have enough to get by–your brain
probably just doesn’t want to do any work
until you get some sleep and get settled in a new place. I bet once the chaos has calmed,
you’ll have no trouble writing. I write too,
and my blocks always happen when I’m
physically tired or preoccupied. But don’t
fear; creativity doesn’t just go away. And
on a side note, glad to see the Dean support.
Happy holidays!
Yes, I second the vote for booze!
Nice t-shirt, Countess Boobula. Clearly the booze is flowing at my house.
Writer’s block, eh? I think not so. You’re doing way better than me, and even I of all people want one of these blog thingies. I think the mundane details of fairly average people are fascinating. It’s what I like to write about as well. That and dreams.
Keep on it, please, Britt! You’re great!
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