I think my favorite command in any piece of software ever is one found in Kazaa Lite: Clear Downloaded and Erroneous

Yours?

Well, that was quick. It’s been a dang week already. Some time around Wednesday I got the urge to blog about something silly but refrained since I didn’t want to seem all clingy. Now the week is up and, truth be told, I have nothing to show for it.

I went to work every day. I began reading Still Life with Woodpecker. I came to grips with the extent of my utter poverty and found new and interesting ways to not spend money. Like watching the laundry pile grow into this enormous, hairy, stinky beast with bras for arms and orange sweater hair. Dreaming is totally free so I’ve been doing a shitload of that. I’ve been interviewing rappers. Putting off any and all writing. I’ve even taken a small vacation from showering. Soon enough I’m going to have one enormous dreadlock with 8″-long dark roots.

I did splurge last night to see Big Fish since I’d heard some good things about it. The Kids (what the VCB and I call our roommates) invited us to see it at the very last minute and it seemed like a fine idea for a Saturday night. I’d been waiting for something substantial from Burton ever since Mars Attacks!, which I love with my whole heart, and I knew very little about his newest piece. Could this be Burton’s long-needed redemption?

In a word, nuh-uh. Let’s put it this way: Lucky Charms is a good-ass cereal, no? You’ve got wheat puffs in primary shapes and bright, totally non-food colored marshmallows that aren’t quite marshmallows since they aren’t chewy so much as styrofoamy. Mmmmm. In a big bowl of milk this all tastes like everything that is good and light. Clearly the best part of this cereal is the sweet, artificial moons and hearts and shit, but consider for a moment this cereal without the boring wheat puff thingies. You wouldn’t want to eat that. A soggy spoonful of nothing but tiny, super-fake marshmallows would be kind of foul without the “wholesome” grain taste to balance it all out.

Big Fish is devoid of any good-for-you wheat puff stuff. It is nothing but a mouthful of sugary, gooey, synthetic sweetness that leaves you bitter and pissed there was nothing more substantial or real included in order to make you appreciate all that candy.

Frankly, it is hard to believe so much imagination can seem so unimaginative. Something that is meant to be fanciful and magical is instead just pretty and average and typical .

Rent Mars Attacks! instead. Because, “even in a time of intergalactic crisis, people still want to roll them bones.”

[I am still very sorry to Internet Explorer users. I know the links are unreadable and I don’t know why. Fucking maddening. It looks great in every other browser, so I suggest you get a better one. Not because you can’t read my site, but because IE sucks major dick. Mozilla has a tab feature I adore. It also blocks pop-ups. It looks real pretty. Get it. I hear Firebird rocks, too.]