Things I’ve Decided to Stop Being Ashamed Of

February 3rd, 2004 | Lists

I have been taking the VCB’s Burt’s Bees lip balm every day. Even before he started letting me, when I would fish it out of my purse and say, “How did that get in here?”

Sometimes I lie and I don’t know why.

I had a dream last night that I won a million dollars at a slot machine, but the casino said I couldn’t have the money because my mother had called earlier wanting to know if the casino sold cigarettes.

I have latent issues about my mother and smoking and money. Apparently.

I secretly enjoy fighting with people on-line. But only when they start it. (I’m actually a very good fighter.)

I’m so poor I bought hair gel from the gas station. 99 cents. It smells entirely like rubbing alcohol and makes my hair crispy like in eighth grade.

I can’t be bothered to hang up my laundry. Or shower sometimes. I’m kind of gross in general.

Case in point: There is a half-full coffee cup that has been on my desk for…I’m gonna say…roughly a week and a half.

Even though I buy 99 cent hair gel, I still have someone pump my gas occasioanlly. It’s worth the extra $2. I’m that lazy.

People have made me mix CDs that I have never listened to. I know now that it is okay not to like 70 minutes of Bathtub Shitter.

No more shame, people. No more.

14 comments ↓

#1 pyrimyd on 02.03.04 at 8:08 pm

I guess sending you mixes was a bad idea then…

#2 brittney on 02.03.04 at 8:29 pm

No! I look very forward to your package.

I just hate that I have to give one away.

#3 pyrimyd on 02.03.04 at 10:22 pm

“No! I look very forward to your package.”

IT’S IN PRINT
PRACTICALLY A LEGAL BINDING DOCUMENT
THE LAW IS VERY CLEAR ON THIS MATTER

#4 RegisteredTrademark on 02.04.04 at 2:02 am

but i hear you’ve got an amazing rack. so, it’s all cool.

#5 Shrimp on 02.04.04 at 12:59 pm

“Case in point: There is a half-full coffee cup that has been on my desk for…I’m gonna say…roughly a week and a half.”

This sentence proves that you are both lazy and an optimist.

#6 jaun stone on 02.04.04 at 1:25 pm

sorry for the err in protocol, but none of your e-mail accts seem to be working.
I just wanted to introduce my bad self. I ran into your blog from another blog from another blog and the Twin Peaks reference caught my eye.
I am at the above address.
maybe after the square dance we can all take a hey ride

later j

#7 Cory on 02.04.04 at 5:00 pm

Cool, man! I’m gettin’ dressed in my best Harley leathers and bringin’ my banjo!

*quietly goes to ebay and enters “Harley clothes” then “banjo” because he’s a native southern Californian who has never seen or touched such things in person*

#8 jody on 02.05.04 at 12:05 pm

I was shopping at this mega store in NYC, and in it they had a mega Burt’s Bees display. This rather adorable young girl was walking around it mindlessly sampling all of the product while rambling out loud to her boyfriend.
“Saturday nite, I am meeting Mom and Kristen for dinner…”
Mid sentence, she looks down with a puzzled look on her face. She rolls the tin lid between her thumb and first finger so that the words are right side up and continues:
“…and I am putting cuticle cream on my lips.”

#9 _highatus on 02.06.04 at 1:51 pm