What is this piece of shit Beyonce “I Love You” song? It’s sounds like some bad disjointed Alanis Morrisette song, but all R&Bed out. Girl! Pick a note and stay there. Say something else! Oh my God, this is seriously the most painful piece of shit I have ever heard, maybe. It sounds like Chirstopher Guest wrote it for some mockumentary about R&B. Most oversinging ever. Ever ever.

That Hillary Duff reminds me a lot of a packet of Sweet and Low. Pink and rancidly sweet and oh, so bad for you.

Norah Jones sure is pretty.

Evanescence: That Rap-Rock (Now with Girl!)
[I thought that Evanesence chick said something about being on a Tori Amos album and almost shit the drawers.]

I don’t so much loathe Sting as don’t care whether he takes another breath or not.

Saturn’s got a great ad campaign. That Cars Buying People commercial was really clever. And funny. (”The Marshall.” Heh.)

Justin Timberlake is phenomenally talented. His band is way good. But JT ought to lose the beard. Makes him look even whiter. Also, needs to lose that rank-ass “Where’s the Love” song. (Though I do like the line, “living like they ain’t got no mommas.”)

Earth, Wind and Fire. Big Boi. Twankies. Exceptional. George Clinton sounds tired. Real tired. Or maybe he’s all winded from hitting the rock backstage. [Where THE FUCK is Andre?!] What the hell is that white girl doing with that fiddle?

Seems Snoop Dogg kinda can’t be bothered to read. Or can’t. Four ounces a day for a decade will do that to a brother. I would like one of those shiny goblets with his name engraved on it, though, to carry around with me.

The Foo Fighters never suck outright. But they still aren’t very good. It’s boring. They got nothing to say, it seems.

Xtinas tits musta slid off her chest and under her arms. She has to wear suspenders to get any cleavage. How can you be that rich and not get a better boob job than that shit?

Mary J. looks like Big Bird in drag.

I wish Sarah MacLachlan would make music that sounded a little different from everything else she’s made. I love her voice. But, uh, I’ve heard this song before.

The VCB: “Just because Warren Zevon died, that doesn’t make him good.”

Richard Marx just won a fucking Grammy. Now he’ll wear his sunglasses AND face the wall when he comes to eat where I work.

No, he didn’t just bring out a marching band! Yay Andre!!! And spirit fingers! (Ice Cold!)