Thoughts on the Grammys

February 8th, 2004 | Music, Television

What is this piece of shit Beyonce “I Love You” song? It’s sounds like some bad disjointed Alanis Morrisette song, but all R&Bed out. Girl! Pick a note and stay there. Say something else! Oh my God, this is seriously the most painful piece of shit I have ever heard, maybe. It sounds like Chirstopher Guest wrote it for some mockumentary about R&B. Most oversinging ever. Ever ever.

That Hillary Duff reminds me a lot of a packet of Sweet and Low. Pink and rancidly sweet and oh, so bad for you.

Norah Jones sure is pretty.

Evanescence: That Rap-Rock (Now with Girl!)
[I thought that Evanesence chick said something about being on a Tori Amos album and almost shit the drawers.]

I don’t so much loathe Sting as don’t care whether he takes another breath or not.

Saturn’s got a great ad campaign. That Cars Buying People commercial was really clever. And funny. (”The Marshall.” Heh.)

Justin Timberlake is phenomenally talented. His band is way good. But JT ought to lose the beard. Makes him look even whiter. Also, needs to lose that rank-ass “Where’s the Love” song. (Though I do like the line, “living like they ain’t got no mommas.”)

Earth, Wind and Fire. Big Boi. Twankies. Exceptional. George Clinton sounds tired. Real tired. Or maybe he’s all winded from hitting the rock backstage. [Where THE FUCK is Andre?!] What the hell is that white girl doing with that fiddle?

Seems Snoop Dogg kinda can’t be bothered to read. Or can’t. Four ounces a day for a decade will do that to a brother. I would like one of those shiny goblets with his name engraved on it, though, to carry around with me.

The Foo Fighters never suck outright. But they still aren’t very good. It’s boring. They got nothing to say, it seems.

Xtinas tits musta slid off her chest and under her arms. She has to wear suspenders to get any cleavage. How can you be that rich and not get a better boob job than that shit?

Mary J. looks like Big Bird in drag.

I wish Sarah MacLachlan would make music that sounded a little different from everything else she’s made. I love her voice. But, uh, I’ve heard this song before.

The VCB: “Just because Warren Zevon died, that doesn’t make him good.”

Richard Marx just won a fucking Grammy. Now he’ll wear his sunglasses AND face the wall when he comes to eat where I work.

No, he didn’t just bring out a marching band! Yay Andre!!! And spirit fingers! (Ice Cold!)

24 comments ↓

#1 Edgeling on 02.09.04 at 8:02 am

My fifty cents:

Beyonce sucks. Hillary Duff sucks more.
Norah Jones is not nearly as pretty as you, and is just slightly prettier than MY TAINT.
To be fair, the Evanescence album is 90% piano-electric-guitar balladry, and 10% rap-rock radio single.
Sting is possibly one of the coolest people ever. How can you disparage a man who can maintain a five-hour erection? You can’t, that’s how.
That “Where’s the Love” song belongs to the Black-eyed Peas, and is really good when the Black-eyed Peas sing it themselves.
I love Xtina. But that’s just me. I’m biased because i like cool people.
The Foo Fighters? Ugh. Why couldn’t Kurt shoot Dave Grohl instead….

Who the hell is Richard Marx?
Did Outkast win Album of the Year? Fuck! No! This is totally going to tarnish their street cred! The big Grammy winner is always a lukewarm cumbucket act like Norah Jones, or Steely Dan. No one as cool as Andre and Big Boi should EVER win a Grammy!!! This is terrible. It’s a dark portent that makes me think they ARE gonna break up….

>_<
Britt, where did all your readers go? You used to get like 56 comments, but now you have like…… two. What happened? Did you cozy up to the Aspen crowd?

#2 brittney on 02.09.04 at 9:14 am

They are still reading. They just aren’t commenting.

Maybe I stink.

#3 jonmc on 02.09.04 at 9:49 am

The VCB: “Just because Warren Zevon died, that doesn’t make him good.”

This “VCB” is being held at my compound for deprogramming. If all goes well he will be returned unharmed.

As for the rest of it: screw the grammys! Modern music sucks. Pop culture peaked in 1966 and finally stopped being good around 1996. A thirty year run aint so bad, but now I have to drag myself through this ugly universe with only my scratchy Spirit, Janis Joplin and Deep Purple vinyl for company. Tis a lonely existence.

#4 Chico on 02.09.04 at 10:33 am

Oh, Grampa jon, get back in your chair. You didn’t take your angry pills this morning, did you?

(That said, VCB did not say that about Zevon, did he?)

One thing: Sting was Sting, but Madonna’s me-me-me-my-husband-and-me introduction of him made me want to dress her up in whoop-ass, all over her body.

#5 mikro on 02.09.04 at 3:08 pm

What is this piece of shit Beyonce “I Love You” song?

Seems like it’s all been downhill since “Crazy in Love.” Still, hottest in the world (with the exception of my Sarah Lee.)

That Hillary Duff reminds me a lot of a packet of Sweet and Low. Pink and rancidly sweet and oh, so bad for you.

Also, she’s 16, which for some reason turns my stomach.

Norah Jones sure is pretty.

So true, and yet she looks a lot like her father, which seems contradictory.

Evanescence: That Rap-Rock (Now with Girl!)

Actually, more like Xtian emo metal gone crossover, which requires a girl.

[I thought that Evanesence chick said something about being on a Tori Amos album and almost shit the drawers.]

Don’t tell me you would be surprised if a Tori Amos record sucked . . .

I don’t so much loathe Sting as don’t care whether he takes another breath or not.

If he and Eric Clapton could die in a plane crash and we could somehow get George Harrison and Aaliyah back, that would be ideal.

Justin Timberlake is phenomenally talented.

Yes.

I wish Sarah MacLachlan would make music that sounded a little [different] from everything else she’s made.

Her songs don’t even register anymore. My brain has learned to ignore it, like a 60 Hertz drone.

The VCB: “Just because Warren Zevon died, that doesn’t make him good.”

Also, just because Luther Vandross had a stroke doesn’t mean that he merits an all-star tribute; and just because Johny Cash died, that doesn’t make “Hurt” a better video than “Hey-Ya.”

Norah Jones is not nearly as pretty as you, and is just slightly prettier than MY TAINT.

Now, I’ve never seen your taint, but somehow I doubt that it is almost as pretty as Norah Jones. If it is, now, we’re in business!

Sting is possibly one of the coolest people ever.

Sting is a total, self-absorbed, piece of shit. The fact that Roxanne was announced as a Sting song on a preview and not a Police song should be evidence enough. If all you’ve got to support your claim of greatness is how long he can “keep it up,” then we’re talking about boners, not music. Sorry, touched a nerve.

That “Where’s the Love” song belongs to the Black-eyed Peas, and is really good when the Black-eyed Peas sing it themselves.

Actually, not all that much better.

I love Xtina. But that’s just me. I’m biased because i like cool people.

So Xtina and Sting are cool people? Hmm. Hmm hmm hmm.

Did Outkast win Album of the Year? . . . The big Grammy winner is always a lukewarm cumbucket act like Norah Jones, or Steely Dan.

Interesting that you would assume that Outkast is getting worse instead of the Grammys getting better.

Maybe I stink.

I know I do.

Modern music sucks.

Is that the case? Or are you too lazy to look beyond the radio for something good?

Pop culture peaked in 1966 and finally stopped being good around 1996.

No, pop culture has always sucked, but there have always been exceptions.

Spirit, Janis Joplin and Deep Purple

And you’re complaining about new music? There’s plenty of stuff that overrated and awful being produced to this day.

Still waiting on that mix, by the way, Jon *cartoon wink sound*.

Love ya, Brickly. Sorry for soapboxing your comments all up.

#6 mikro on 02.09.04 at 3:15 pm

I meant to say that I was commenting on your comments instead of on the Grammys since I didn’t watch the Grammys, but I seem to have forgotten, so now I seem like this big asshole. Sorry.

#7 Sir Mildred Pierce on 02.09.04 at 3:40 pm

I was totally lost reading this post until I read the title of the post. I need to get in the habit of reading the titles. I was totally lost, I thought you had suddenly turned in to a hollywood gossip columnist.

#8 Marcos on 02.09.04 at 5:53 pm

hmm…I love that I found you weblog sometime last year while searching for negged pictures of Britney Spears. This blog is by far the best I’ve read in my years of…um…er…weblog reading. Gotta go, I’ve just gone lame in my pants.

#9 Chico on 02.09.04 at 6:17 pm

Marcos, you’re no Sting, are you.

#10 sabre-toothed librarian on 02.09.04 at 6:54 pm

me: “Just because Warren Zevon died, that doesn’t make him good.”

mikro: Also, just because Luther Vandross had a stroke doesn’t mean that he merits an all-star tribute; and just because Johny Cash died, that doesn’t make “Hurt” a better video than “Hey-Ya.”

jonmc: This “VCB” is being held at my compound for deprogramming. If all goes well he will be returned unharmed.

Look, I am sure that Warren Zevon was good, and I’ve seen many people whose music I respect give him much love. But I just don’t like the whole emotional ploy of honoring the dead and the disabled for achievements which are not as good as they once were. I’m sorry, but the little bit that I heard of the song he won for best rock performance was not so rockin’. You might talk me into giving him some songwriting award or something.

But he didn’t win anything until he died. They were honoring his career by awarding him for a specific performance that was probably not his best, and, I thought, not better than the other nominees.

The White Stripes were nominated in that category, and won for alternative album and rock song, but they are not dead, so Warren Zevon rocks harder. It’s like Jethro Tull beating Metallica for heavy metal performance.

And I can’t name a single Warren Zevon song.

#11 brittney on 02.09.04 at 7:07 pm

Didn’t Warren Zevon do that “Whoomp (There It Is)” song?

And thanks, Marco. Sorry I couldn’t get you those neggid pictures of Miss Spears that you wanted. Though, if you just give it a couple more singles, my bet is she’ll be spread-eagled on TRL soon enough.

#12 Cory on 02.09.04 at 11:14 pm

“gone lame in my pants”

Hmmmmmmm. That’s even more interesting than somebody either “going ghetto” or “going medieval” on someone. I need to bone up on my slang.

So, anyhow, I missed the Grammies (or Emmies or whatever the heck they were). I’m not big on pop culture. But hey, if there’s such a show for commercials, tell me when! I’m all about Quizno’s new ad scheme, with those weird wrist-faces that have the kind of beating eyeballs and electric guitars. You can bring in coupons for everything from, like, hair extensions to hot dogs.

Anyhow, those commercials deserve a blog of their own, IMNSHO! What say?

#13 iLLa on 02.10.04 at 12:39 am

*blinks*

you know that urbandictionary.com is my peeps, right??!

trade you a t-shirt for your marshall macluhan book…

#14 brittney on 02.10.04 at 1:16 am

Your peeps? Do tell. I’m clueless.

I’m all about a t-shirt. What does it look like? Show me a pic of this thing, and I bet we can negotiate something.

#15 jonmc on 02.10.04 at 11:49 am

mikro: I was listening to college radio before you knew there was such a thing. I work in the music industry, so more new music passes over my desk in a week than most people see in a year. I scour p2p constantly. Ultimately, I wind up listening to older stuff almost exclusively.

So I think I can say with some authority that modern music (mainstream and alternative) sucks.

#16 sklero on 02.10.04 at 2:30 pm

geez, guys. y’know, opinons are like assholes: you have to lube them up pretty good before you stick your cock in them.

#17 brittney on 02.10.04 at 6:27 pm

“opinons are like assholes: you have to lube them up pretty good before you stick your cock in them”

HAHAHA

#18 travis on 02.13.04 at 2:37 am

Twiz, Norah Jones is real pretty, and mikro is too.

#19 pyrimyd on 02.15.04 at 1:28 am

So just assuming you’ve only heard the Zevon on the classic rock stations…

“Little old lady got mutilated late last night”

Seriously, VCB. Can you really say, as a man who knows his sentences the way you do, that Mr. Zevon doesn’t deserve something just for that? Even if it’s just a genius grant from the National L Council of America?

#20 Udontneed2know on 10.09.05 at 5:16 pm

First of all, the freaken “I love you” song is call Dangerously in love and it’s the top 100 hits on MTV, second, Sukx for you that you don’t like beyonce but o well u don’t look half as good as her
I know someone will be like “what a loser , didn’t even post a name and e-mail address” o well i don’t feel like it :-p

#21 mimi on 02.04.06 at 9:00 am