Entries from February 2004 ↓
February 10th, 2004 — Current Affairs
Today was a good day. I got out of bed only after having hit the snooze button 4 times, I think. I woke up smiling. The VCB’s cutey booty was all sticking out and up against me. I don’t know about you, but I call that a damn fine way to wake up. I showered, and though I never do this, I sang a little. Sondheim.
I had toast and natural crunchy peanut butter and some applesauce for breakfast. Most days I don’t have lunch until 3, at which time I’m starving. I usually have to fight the urge to order the chicken basil brie (Love brie.) sandwich, instead of opting for the hummus and spinach salad.* But today my PB toast and unsweetened applesauce satiated me until I could order the yummy sirloin and Danish bleu cheese salad on mesculun mix.**
Then I listened to that mix CD I made for some folks a while back. I hadn’t heard that mix in a while and it made me phenomenally happy. Work was fun. I enjoy the small group of people that I work with. All smart. All friendly. Most talented. Lots of them are artists and muscians and songwriters and the like. We talk about current events and politics in the kitchen everyday. Reasonably. With no yelling. Respectfully. I learn things from these people every day. And they are funny. Not the towel-snapping, hooting and roughhousing “funny” associated with restaurant jobs I’ve had in the past. These folks make wise cracks under their breath and are dry-witted and easy to laugh.
I really like it there.
And then I got a free oil change thanks to a gift certificate I had left over from Christmas. My oil change was less than the cost of the certificate amount, and they don’t give cash back, so I bought a greeting card to mail to a friend. Free card from the oil change place. Fucking score.
Then I stopped in to see the VCB where he works and drank an espresso and read a few chapters of a book. Then I came home and took a brief nap. I dreamed that I was working at King’s Island amusement park but my job was to ride rides and critique them. Badass job, no?
The VCB and I ordered in Chinese and we are about to watch a few episodes of season two of Six Feet Under that he downloaded all of a few days ago. And here I am now writing at you.
I have $12 to my name. But, today at least, life is rich, bitch!***
*Working where I do has definite perks. I get free or half-price on such deliciosities as bacon, lettuce, fried green tomato and avocado sandwiches on maple wheat toast. Or shiitake mushroom risotto. And lots and lots of healthy options. The vegetable quesedilla is to die for and there are almost always healthy vegan soups like Tomato Basil or Curry Red Lentil. I got free and half price food at Outback, but after 6 years the mere thought of that butter-covered and fried in lard crap makes me want to vomit.
**Someone’s got the munchies.
***To be said in the manner of Dave Chappelle in that hilarious 5-second bit following his show.
February 10th, 2004 — Overheard
The Scene: A below-freezing Saturday at the fancy-pants little restaurant where I work. A man waits with two women wearing calf-length fur coats.
The Man: (rubbing both the ladies backs) My furry women. I like my women nice and furry. … (pointing to a young, eclectic looking couple at the bar) We’ll have to be careful not to piss off the PETA people.
Woman One: (whispering to The Man) -indistinguishable-
The Man: You’re right. So right. There are more important things to worry about than stupid hippy peer pressure. Like breeding more of those fucking minks to make my furry girls each a nice pair of fur chaps.*
*Okay, that last sentence was somewhat exaggerated.
February 8th, 2004 — Music, Television
What is this piece of shit Beyonce “I Love You” song? It’s sounds like some bad disjointed Alanis Morrisette song, but all R&Bed out. Girl! Pick a note and stay there. Say something else! Oh my God, this is seriously the most painful piece of shit I have ever heard, maybe. It sounds like Chirstopher Guest wrote it for some mockumentary about R&B. Most oversinging ever. Ever ever.
That Hillary Duff reminds me a lot of a packet of Sweet and Low. Pink and rancidly sweet and oh, so bad for you.
Norah Jones sure is pretty.
Evanescence: That Rap-Rock (Now with Girl!)
[I thought that Evanesence chick said something about being on a Tori Amos album and almost shit the drawers.]
I don’t so much loathe Sting as don’t care whether he takes another breath or not.
Saturn’s got a great ad campaign. That Cars Buying People commercial was really clever. And funny. (”The Marshall.” Heh.)
Justin Timberlake is phenomenally talented. His band is way good. But JT ought to lose the beard. Makes him look even whiter. Also, needs to lose that rank-ass “Where’s the Love” song. (Though I do like the line, “living like they ain’t got no mommas.”)
Earth, Wind and Fire. Big Boi. Twankies. Exceptional. George Clinton sounds tired. Real tired. Or maybe he’s all winded from hitting the rock backstage. [Where THE FUCK is Andre?!] What the hell is that white girl doing with that fiddle?
Seems Snoop Dogg kinda can’t be bothered to read. Or can’t. Four ounces a day for a decade will do that to a brother. I would like one of those shiny goblets with his name engraved on it, though, to carry around with me.
The Foo Fighters never suck outright. But they still aren’t very good. It’s boring. They got nothing to say, it seems.
Xtinas tits musta slid off her chest and under her arms. She has to wear suspenders to get any cleavage. How can you be that rich and not get a better boob job than that shit?
Mary J. looks like Big Bird in drag.
I wish Sarah MacLachlan would make music that sounded a little different from everything else she’s made. I love her voice. But, uh, I’ve heard this song before.
The VCB: “Just because Warren Zevon died, that doesn’t make him good.”
Richard Marx just won a fucking Grammy. Now he’ll wear his sunglasses AND face the wall when he comes to eat where I work.
No, he didn’t just bring out a marching band! Yay Andre!!! And spirit fingers! (Ice Cold!)
February 6th, 2004 — Books
Instead of buying me shit (which, let’s face it, none of you were going to do anyway), you can now BUY MY SHIT. Today I put lots of books and a DVD up for sale on-line. I thought it beneficial to compile my listings here, in case any of you wanted in on the LOW, LOW, LOW price action. I’m broke as a Martin Lawrence joke and more than $500 in the (immediate) hole.
So, if any of these fine, make-ya-brain-grow products listed below suit your delicate and cultured fancy, then please help a poor girl afford some decent hair gel.
THIS SHIT! BUY IT!:
DVD: eXistenz, David Cronenberg [SOLD!]
Tori Amos: Collectibles
Welcome to Twin Peaks: A Complete Guide to Who’s Who & What’s What [SOLD!]
The Heart of a Woman, Maya Angelou
High Fidelity, Nick Hornby [SOLD!]
The Third Chimpanzee, Jared Diamond [SOLD!]
Daughters of the Dust: The Making of an African-American Film, Toni Cade Bambara and bell hooks
Understanding Media, Marshall McLuhan
Maya Angelou: Poems
The Story of Psychology, Morton Hunt
Tori Amos: Silent All These Years (Authorized biography, stunning photographs-beautiful book)
Play It As It Lays, Joan Didion
Socrates Cafe: A Fresh Taste of Philosophy, Christopher Phillips [SOLD!]
The Chief: The Life of William Randolf Hearst, David Nasaw [SOLD!]
Lifeworks: John Cassavetes, Tom Charity
So! If you end up buying one of these AMAZING, PERFECT, LIFE CHANGING books, you *must* let me know so that I can include a tiny surprise and hand-written note to include with your package. Just send me an e-mail right after you make your purchase in order to identify yourself as a reader.
Everything must go!!
February 4th, 2004 — Work Related
Take a minute to read my latest short article at the Nashville Scene’s website entitled, “Mad Charisma.”
Thank you, drive through.
February 3rd, 2004 — Lists
I have been taking the VCB’s Burt’s Bees lip balm every day. Even before he started letting me, when I would fish it out of my purse and say, “How did that get in here?”
Sometimes I lie and I don’t know why.
I had a dream last night that I won a million dollars at a slot machine, but the casino said I couldn’t have the money because my mother had called earlier wanting to know if the casino sold cigarettes.
I have latent issues about my mother and smoking and money. Apparently.
I secretly enjoy fighting with people on-line. But only when they start it. (I’m actually a very good fighter.)
I’m so poor I bought hair gel from the gas station. 99 cents. It smells entirely like rubbing alcohol and makes my hair crispy like in eighth grade.
I can’t be bothered to hang up my laundry. Or shower sometimes. I’m kind of gross in general.
Case in point: There is a half-full coffee cup that has been on my desk for…I’m gonna say…roughly a week and a half.
Even though I buy 99 cent hair gel, I still have someone pump my gas occasioanlly. It’s worth the extra $2. I’m that lazy.
People have made me mix CDs that I have never listened to. I know now that it is okay not to like 70 minutes of Bathtub Shitter.
No more shame, people. No more.
February 3rd, 2004 — Virgin Territory
February 2nd, 2004 — Music
After Justin ‘unintentionally’ exposed us to the spectacle that was a single, free-flying Janet Jackson starburst-covered teat, Britney Spears will next be seen at the Olympic’s Opening Cermony ‘accidentally’ getting fingered by R. Kelly. She will be quoted as saying, “What fingering? What do you mean? That’s just dancing. Part of the choreography. I just drink 23 Red Bulls and get out there and perform my, pardon my French, ass off.”