(We now interrupt the scheduled reruns with a short intermission.)

Her: We are going to need to order some food to-go, if that is possible.

Me: We don’t typically do to-go orders on the weekends, but I’d be glad to see if we can do it today.

Him: It would be best for us both if you could.

Me: (nods)

Him: In fact, you can either do it, or we won’t tip you.

Me: (walked away from the table without speaking)

This kitchen was happy to do his to-go order. I was happy his companion paid, leaving me a huge tip to make up for her partner’s enormous rudeness. I learned by the end of their meal his wife just had a baby. The meal was for her.

Man, do I feel bad for that baby.

P.S. Janet Reno ate at my restaurant today. She and her party left $15 on a $128 tab.