“Does the Greek omelet come with scrambled eggs?”

“Do you have a policy against serving uncooked meat?” [He wanted raw steak.]

“Do you have any crackers? She (pointing to her child) likes to crush them up.”

“Is the Chicken Minestrone vegan?”

“If I get an iced coffee with extra ice, do I have to pay extra for the extra ice?”

“Take this bread off my plate.”* [After surveying the table for an extra empty saucer or anything I came to the conclusion I’d have to take the bread off her salad with my hands. So I did.]

“What is the name of that restaurant on West End that has been there forever that all the ladies go to?” [She could provide no further information.]

“Are you from Buffalo?” [Um, no.]

“Did you guys get this meatloaf from the freezer department?” [Insulting bitch.]

“Can you get them to wrap my burger in baby spinach?” [Fuck you very much, Mr. Atkins.]

*Not so much a question.