The Guy with the Most Balls

This happened a few weeks ago, but I kinda can’t get over it. So maybe it is a story worth telling.

We hired a new pantry cook where I work who on his first day of training informed his trainer that he was hungry and would need to eat before his shift. She hesitantly agreed, but told him that employees usually eat before the come to work. His asked for the “Eggplant Parmesian” thing, which they made him, at which time he went and grabbed a table and had his meal. I think everyone expected that he would eat quickly in the kitchen and get right back to work.

Whatever. They let him have his parmesian.

Once he was finished dining L., his trainer, read off the first item on their to-do list. Hummus. Our new pantry cook’s response was, “Neat, I’ve never worked with ethnic food before.” I don’t know about you, but a simple batch of hummus doesn’t quite call for the umbrella term of “ethnic food.” Fact is, we are an American bistro, so aside from slight ethnic influences the food is straight up American.

Forget the quip about ethnic food. Check this noise on out. We got a little slammed that night, so for a time the new pantry cook was sort of in the way. The chef suggested he step out back and look over the menu while they pulled themselves out of the weeds. New pantry cook guy then walked to the dessert cooler, took out a piece of peach cheesecake and walked out the back door with it.

L. looked at the chef and said, “Uh, new guy just jacked some cheesecake. He just went outside with it.” The chef asked if she was shitting him then marched out back. New pantry cook guy was sitting on the stairs with an empty cardboard box in front of him. The chef walked over and picked up the box to find a half-eaten piece of cheesecake underneath it. No fork.

The chef just said, “Go home.” Then turned around and went inside to catch up on all that ethnic food in the kitchen.

I never saw pantry cook guy clock out and go home. I would like to have asked him what sort of asshole blatantly steals food on his first day on the job. And if he has a tapeworm.