I did not know that. Now I’m going to have to give up another delicious demon.

Now is about the time when I start thinking really hard about my costume for Halloween. Last year I didn’t dress up and I really regret it. Halloween is the BEST holiday, and I can’t wait to start getting my stuff together. As soon as I find out what that stuff is going to be.

But, everytime I start thinking of a costume I think about my friend Jenny’s costume about four years ago. Considering the circumstances, it might have been the best costume of all time. We worked at Outback Steakhouse together at the time, where they encouraged employees to dress up. Most girls came as sexy bunnies, or sexy devils, or sexy cops (because, when you can’t be creative it is easiest to make up for it with skankiness), but Jenny came as a booger.

Yup, a booger. She wrapped herself in a greenish-yellow cellophane, put a ton of goopy gel in her hair and carried a big sign that said, “SAVE THE BOOGERS”. Only thing better than going as a booger, is going as a protesting booger. See, she wanted to go as a snot ball for Halloween since she was a kid, but her mom never let her. Jenny was from a very prestigious and rich family who only allowed their daughters to go as clowns or princesses or Stawberry Shortcake. So once Jenny didn’t have to have her costume approved by her mother, she did it. She became a booger.

The most hilarious part of the whole evening was people’s reaction. That evening Jenny’s tables either asked to be moved, asked for a different server, or got up and left. They were so grossed out by A GIRL WRAPPED IN CELLOPHANE pretending to be a booger that they couldn’t take it. As if she looked anything like actual dried nasal mucus. Which she did not.

Anyway, to me, that is what a Halloween costume is all about. Go with your gut, and care not who you offend. Forget treats, bitch, it’s all about the tricks.

What is the best Halloween costume you’ve ever worn?

When you are cooking eggs, hand me the shell. I like to crush them up in my hands.

Refer to me as Miss B.

Quote “Twin Peaks” to me in my presence. (You may actually get tongued for that one.)

Talk to children like they aren’t retarded. They deserve better.

Point out to me any juicy, tabloid-y articles about Rachel from “For Love or Money.”

Wear one of those John Edwards is Hot t-shirts.

Make me a mix CD I can actually hear.

Offer me Cheet-os. Mmmm, Cheet-os.

Notice that I’ve lost 12 pounds since joining the gym.

Ask for my opinion on wine, then take it.

Don’t mention that I look like “that chick from Roseanne.”