Now is about the time when I start thinking really hard about my costume for Halloween. Last year I didn’t dress up and I really regret it. Halloween is the BEST holiday, and I can’t wait to start getting my stuff together. As soon as I find out what that stuff is going to be.
But, everytime I start thinking of a costume I think about my friend Jenny’s costume about four years ago. Considering the circumstances, it might have been the best costume of all time. We worked at Outback Steakhouse together at the time, where they encouraged employees to dress up. Most girls came as sexy bunnies, or sexy devils, or sexy cops (because, when you can’t be creative it is easiest to make up for it with skankiness), but Jenny came as a booger.
Yup, a booger. She wrapped herself in a greenish-yellow cellophane, put a ton of goopy gel in her hair and carried a big sign that said, “SAVE THE BOOGERS”. Only thing better than going as a booger, is going as a protesting booger. See, she wanted to go as a snot ball for Halloween since she was a kid, but her mom never let her. Jenny was from a very prestigious and rich family who only allowed their daughters to go as clowns or princesses or Stawberry Shortcake. So once Jenny didn’t have to have her costume approved by her mother, she did it. She became a booger.
The most hilarious part of the whole evening was people’s reaction. That evening Jenny’s tables either asked to be moved, asked for a different server, or got up and left. They were so grossed out by A GIRL WRAPPED IN CELLOPHANE pretending to be a booger that they couldn’t take it. As if she looked anything like actual dried nasal mucus. Which she did not.
Anyway, to me, that is what a Halloween costume is all about. Go with your gut, and care not who you offend. Forget treats, bitch, it’s all about the tricks.
What is the best Halloween costume you’ve ever worn?
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Boss Hogg, last year.
Last year my friend and I dressed up as this old lady we saw in Central Park. She was walking around with about 10 pounds of makeup on her face, and a little white fluffy dog in her bag. So I dressed up as her, with big back-combed hair and tons of MAC lipstick; and my friend painted his face and hair white (tied up in a little pink bow), with a black nose. We glued cotton all over a white turtleneck, and glued bits of cotton and whiskers to his face.
THEN, we cut the bottom out of a wicker bag, he stepped into it so it was at his waist, and he stepped into my skirt, so it looked like I was carrying him, sticking out of the bag. And he snapped at everyone who tried to pet him. It was fabulous. I have no idea how I’ll top it this year.
But the booger idea is good, too.
Well - idea wise it would have to be when I went as the chalk for a pool cue. That didn’t really work out because I couldn’t get a sense of the width of my head — and I didn’t have earholes - so a lot of the conversations I had that night went something like:
“I like your costume.”
“WHAT?!”
“I LIKE YOUR COSTUME!”
Scary wise it would have to be as the maniacal blow-up dollface killa. Chicks seemed to dig that one.
Last year’s didn’t really work out because I was forced to explain myself waaaaay too often. Of course — that’s the kind of costume you come up with when you are running out of time. That, kids, is why it’s always good to plan ahead.
That’s a damn good Boss Hogg, btw.
Britt, what about just getting, like, a baby rattle to go with those purple pj’s you blogged about a while ago. Simple and cheap.
As for me, I just don’t see the fun in it anymore. My inner child is dead, or at least comatose.
Back in the mid ’80’s, in my preadolescent years, I got a silver Porsche jacket from a store in my native San Diego, silver with a black porsche crest on the upper chest. I paired it with some sunglasses and boom…race car driver.
I can’t remember any other ones. Never really embraced that holiday, though I kind of liked others’ costumes.
I never really had a best costume but the cheapest and cheesiest was an M&M I made from a black trash bag stuffed w/newspaper. The M was made from white maskin tape. I tied it around my neck and cut two holes for my legs and whore black pants and a black shirt.
My favorite was the Ghostbusters logo. Layers and layers of sheets and sheer draperies (all of $10 at the thrift shop) and a great big red cardboard circle with a slash that I hung around my head.
I covered a torso-sized box in aluminum foil and put one of these in the front so that I could see. i cut shoulder holes and added some of this for my arms, and wore a name tag that said “Howard”. No one got it.
Pirate Lego Man.
I got invited to two parties Halloween year, and another while in transit between parties. Cheap, pretty easy, and it only took about ten hours over the course of two or three weeks.
I have to say, though, despite my love for my costume, I had a friend who teamed up with his girlfriend as Willy Wonka and one of his legendary Oompa Loompas. That’s just way too much orange.
Whoa, i remember that. Honestly, her boogersuit kinda creeped me out as well. It may not have looked like a nose goblin, but it did just look… sinister somehow.
I went as a raisin one year, I was about ten or twelve. basically it was a glad bag with holes cut out. To avoid having to explain myself I wrote “I am a raisin” on a piece of notebook paper and taped it to my chest.
Most people would open the door, squint, then laugh. it was a hit! “how creative!” “that’s cute!” I was cool!
It was super manuverable, so I could run from house to house and collect more candy without falling or getting tangled up. Plus at the end of the night I could tear it off and I was in my cool street clothes. so If I meet anyone I knew I wasn’t dressed like a smurf or strawberry shortcake! ah youth!
I made a costume out of carpet foam (the padding stuff for under your wall-to-wall) and lots of spray paint once. I was a giant pint of guinness. I got free pints of the black stuff all night.
My family was full of dull princesses and ghosts, but my cousins had it goin’ ON! My cousin Matt taped Barbie patio furniture on a shirt made of astroturf and went as a deck. My cousin Lizzy went as a half full (half empty?) glass of milk. Her sister went as a soccer ball. A thoroughly kicked soccer ball.
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