-Tretorns (I desperately wanted blue plaid ones.)

-Keds (We could only afford the generic version. To my 12-year-old self that tiny blue label on the back was as much a status symbol as any Bentley or diamond ring. I got a pair of hand-me-down Keds from my cousin. They were completely trashed, brown with a big, huge hole in the toe. I wore them proudly anyway, making sure to mention how badly I needed to replace my Keds to anyone who gave my worn old shoes the hairy eyeball.)

-navy blue sweatpants (Gym in 7th grade required a uniform. A public school-issued shorts and t-shirt set worn by some other pubescent kid last year. Or you could just wear the provided shirt and wear navy blue sweatpants brought from home. We couldn’t get the sweatpants. I was one of two girls in my entire grade who did not wear sweatpants to gym. And I was one of one girls in my entire grade who was not allowed to shave their legs. That experience left me a scarred, wounded woman.)

-Eastlands (Specifically the soft brown shoes basically made of three panels of leather that tied with brown and yellow laces. It was trendy in my junior high to loop the shoelace around on itself like little curls on each side, leaving them a bit loose and untied. I got the generic version of that shoe, which was made of brown plastic and held together by glue.)

-I.O.U. sweatshirt (This highlights my redneck past brilliantly. Anybody but me remember those hideous things? Gaudy $45 sweatshirts best paired with mis-matched socks, a turtleneck underneath and a banana clip. Again, I got the generic version, which was I.O.V. or some shit.)

-balloon barrettes (I’m not even sure you could buy these in stores, but all the most popular girls in my school had them. Dozens of unblown-up balloons glued to a clip. ALL the coolest girls had them, and I wanted one too. I bought a pack of balloons and found a broke old clip and grabbed up some Elmer’s and went to town. The balloon barrette I made was big and beautiful, and my hair had finally grown long enough to get a little chipmunk ponytail in back, so I wore my balloon barrette proudly to school. And died over and over again all day long as balloons fell off one by one leaving me with a sad balding balloon barrette.)

-Duck Head shorts (These went especially well with the balloon barrettes.)

-Debbie Gibson Electric Youth perfume (I actually finally got this! For Christmas! And it wasn’t too already out of style. But when your first bottle of perfume is hot pink and smells like bubblegum floor wax, someone ought to tell you how to wear it. Light spritz at the nape or wrist. Rarely both. I, however, wanted everyone to know I was wearing Debbie Gibson’s Electic Youth perfume so I woke up every morning and swum in it.)