Reasons We Are Moving When Our Lease is Up

-All the apartments share the same heating duct system. Now that fall is here we’ve discovered that we live amongst some smokers. It bothers the boyfriend more than it does me.

-We can’t open any windows, except for the bathroom. The painters who put on a fresh, new couple of coats before we moved in painted the windows shut. Besides the sliding glass door in the kitchen, we have only two other exposed windows, both of which contain an air conditioning unit.

-We have to wash dishes in a bus tub because our sink doesn’t have a divider thingy. You know, one side for washing, the other side for rinsing? We just have one big sink with no divider. Makes hand-washing dishes even more laborious.

-Apparently, the ceiling leaks. Getting for work the other morning I noticed the top of my dresser was slightly wet. I thought I’d spilled something. I look up to find the source of the water is rain leaking through one of the many seams that runs through the ceiling.

-Our wooden back balcony is covered in moss or mold or something. So when it is wet it’s like ice skating. Real safe.

-Our daily-pizza-ordering, Outback-take-away-eating neighbor refuses to take her fat trash to the fat street herself.

-This same neighbor has this ridiculous high-pitched screaming laugh that I hear all too often since I think she watches “The Queens of Comedy” on repeat. God knows that Mo’Nique is one laugh riot.

-We can’t purchase anything bigger than a breadbox because our place is too small.

-There is no fenced in back yard for the dog. Our dog. The dog we don’t yet have, but will get as soon as our lease is up. I’m kinda sorry I suggested Agent Cooper for my friend’s dog’s name, ’cause he took my suggestion and now I want it back.

-Taking a shower may mean standing in the corner of the shower stall quivering because the cold water is all gone and you can’t just stand under a piping hot water stream. If someone is doing laundry my shower might take a full twenty minutes. Actually, I don’t take that many showers, but the boyfriend does his shaving in there, so he is more often enraged by this than I am.

Things I Will Miss:

-My writing nook.

-The tiny park with the running track one block down the street.

-The downstairs neighbor’s three cats.