My bank regularly charges me out the ass for just about every transaction I make. They are quick to cash checks while holding on to yesterday’s deposits. That is, if they deposit my money at all. I get nothing but stone faces and bubbling underlying condescension from the people who work there.
And yet, I feel guilty and apologize every time my paperwork is not completely filled out at the drive-thru. Or if I have to ask for a deposit slip.
Clearly something is wrong with me. Seems with my fastly growing age I need to learn to channel my inner Tawanda. Maybe I should just go completely apeshit (in a totally non-violent way) on that bitchy teller lady with the bejewled fake nails and snail-like disposition. Anyone with orange pumpkins sequined onto square acrylics surely deserves my wrath.
But I’ve been to jail once already, and once–for me, anyway–was plenty enough. I like to poop in private, thankyouverymuch. Maybe that means I’m not hardcore. How about I give you that I’m not hardcore, if you’ll just please not watch me poop?
Oh, and another thing:
I’m officially an evil, shallow bitch because I can’t help but think that Ashlee Simpson getting busted lip synching on SNL was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. It was thrilling. I am obviously a starfucker of the worst kind that I even give a shit, but holy MOSES. That was sheer awesome with a blaming-of-the-band cherry on top. Total classlessness, with a Lucky Charms jig thrown in for good measure. SNL will totally redeem itself to me if they parody this shit storm next week.
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And i hope, after seeing her give Ashleeee a big hug after she blamed the band at the end, that they will choose Amy Poehler to wear the black wig.
Her father said she was lip synching due to acid reflux, and that she’d never done it before…
Suuure, Acid Reflux.
I wish my daddy had an excuse for me every time I fucked up.
My Bank Story
Once I wrote one wrong number on my deposit slip, so my paycheck deposit didn’t go in.
So i called the bank after all my checks bounced, & was slapped with fees.
they couldn’t find it, I called another branch and complained.
they eventually found it after talking to two managers and three tellers at two different branches being put on hold for hours. It was in a hold account. so they deposited it in my account, twice. so now I had twice as much money than I should have, so I called them to straighten it out, so they took it out… twice. Then tryed to charge me a fee for insufficient funds. I went ballistic
screaming at anyone I could get on the phone. Eventually it all was done but the whole process took about five days of constant calling the bank and checking on my account.
the kicker
during the run around I went to the bank and sat there while the manager pulled up my account. It took about 30 seconds to transfer the money to my account. If they would have lifted a finger to straighten it out it could have been done by 9:01 mon am, but noone at either branch would take the time to just do thier job right.
It was the band’s fault.
Yeah, that’s it.
what the hell sort of 19 year old gets acid reflux? Christ, woman, whatever it is you’re eating, stop. :)
You went to prison?
Nope, just jail. And only for a few hours. Even still, I never want to go back.
Ah, just long enough to have to poop. I don’t even like doing that in a private stall in a public bathroom. I can’t begin to imagine how awful it would be with folks looking at me.
Just the one bank in your town?
I just changed banks. Still tying up loose ends with the other one.
The new bank gave me a soft stuffed dog named Biscuit (the boyfriend calls him Biscuits and Gravy), but the checks they sent me are for Britney Gilbert. Who is not me.
Hi,
I was doing a search for something with my name in the topic and I came upon your site. You are a very interesting writer. Very talented. :)
My name is Tawanda, btw. What does it mean when you say, “your inner Tawanda”? Is that a reference to the movie, “Fried Green Tomatoes”?
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