- Chris Connelly is interviewing Annette Bening and Warren Beatty. She looks so high. Chris says, "Good luck! There’s plenty of room on your mantle! Uh, although there’s already some stuff up there!" Nice save, Chris Connelly formerly of MTV, who must be like 75 now.
- Okay, what is with Mike Meyer’s face?! It looks like he put on my clarifying clear face mask and forgot to peel it off. For real, he looks waxy and not at all right.
- Chris Rock made me laugh a lot, but I expected more audience reactions. These twats’ heads are way too large, there needs to be more of the haha’s and less of the OH FUCK ME, WE ARE SO EXCLUSIVE AND BRILLIANT.
- Chris Rock need not be bagging on Pootie-Tang. Pootie-Tang is the pootie-tangiest, you know what I’m sayin’?
- "She’s got butts for cheeks like baby asses." -the boyfriend waxes eloquent on Renee Zellwegger
- I’m not so sure about this giving and accepting awards from in the aisle. If I had to accept my hard-earned Oscar in the aisleway instead of onstage I’d feel so gypped. You cannot call down "the stick man" like Julia Roberts did from the aisleway. Nor can you look out over the room in your moment of glory, unless you won a "major" category. That crap is weak.
- I could only ever dream of being as graceful and classy as Cate Blanchett.
- The Counting Crows need to die before I never, ever listen to August and Everything After ever again. And I do NOT want to have to do that. The fake dreads also need to die. With them on top of his head like sprouts he looks like a bloated, inebriated Cabbage Patch Kid.
- Sideways wins best adapted screenplay. Makes me wonder if this is its consolation prize. [I was right, sadly.]
- I can’t look at Al Pacino anymore without looking at his tell-tale hairline. His face lift makes him look perpetually stunned.
- "She looks like Billy Corgan in a wig" -the boyfriend, this time about Kirsten Dunst
- What, is Whitney too cracked out to perform again? Why does Beyonce get to go three times?! I seriously can’t listen to her live without cocking my head to one side in a vain attempt to draw her into pitch. She’s pretty, but so are lots of singers, so let’s share the motherfucking wealth already.
- Sean Penn is such a fucking tool. Such an egotistical, humorless tower of toolage. Too bad he’s really good at the acting stuff, ’cause he’s just going to keep showing up at these things.
- Funniest thing read online about Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz’s appearance together: "oh my god … i wanna get Selma and Penelope together for a taco eating contest"
- Holy shit, it’s ten thirty. There was no dancing. I call this broadcast a winner.
Thoughts on the Oscars Typed Up While Watching Them
February 28th, 2005 | Uncategorized
13 comments ↓
Sean Penn talking down to Chris Rock like he was the Master of the House and Rock a lowly house nigger: “Jude Law IS one of our finest actors”. Jude Law is just one notch above Sylvester Stallone and one notch below of Will Smith.
If Starr Jones is taking dieting tips from Oprah Winfrey then this time next year I’m sure both of them will be tipping the scales at 200 pounds. The Oprah Yo Yo diet is not recommended for keeping the weight permanently off.
Note to producer of the awards: You let the producer of the best animated foreign film drone on for 5 minutes, but cut Hillary Swank off after 90 seconds into her acceptance speech? Wonderful job of prioritizing there Mr. Clueless.
The great Carlos Santana and Antonio Banderas teamed up to perform live? Who are you going to pair up next year: BB King and Gary Coleman?
Who was that white guy caught on live TV after a commercial break running onto the stage handing Chris Rock a note? What did the note say” “Don’t come back stage after the show; Sean Penn is waiting for you with a baseball bat in hand?”
The biggest disappointment of the evening: To deny Martin Scorcese another Oscar is a travesty. Clint Eastwood was singing off key in “Paint Your Wagon” when Scorcese was already on his way to becoming one of the greatest directors of our time. Making Scorcese the Susan Lucci of the Academy Awards is an insult to all movie fans.
Hawtest movie star of the night: Kate Winslet
I’ll have to disagree with you on Rock. Predictable and simply not funny, except for when he went outside for interviews.
He’s getting awful reviews for the most part, so I hope he enjoyed the moment, It’s not coming again.
Reviewing your review
just for the sake of discussion
define tool…
I heard it used by bertie and jeeves
from the pbs PG woodhouse series
There they used it like so
“that guy is a capitalist tool”
like he was a tool of capitalism
and not a spiritual being
then on animal house
one of the guys used it to describe
niedermier or something
like he was either a dick or a tool of capitalism…
like a dick is a tool
you would use to fuck with
I am not trying to disprespect your use of words but just wondering where you were going with that word.
As a capitalist tool he acts like he is an artist n shit but really he is just acting
so he can make some bread and get everyone to look at him
“look at me I am beutiful adore me”
on an artistic note I watched La Trada
last night, man that was awsome
it kicked ass on any of the fags (film actors guild) at the oscars.
you have to see it, it is about this carny
who has this little woman he keeps and abuses then, well you just have to see it
# Sean Penn is such a fucking tool. Such an egotistical, humorless tower of toolage. Too bad he’s really good at the acting stuff, ’cause he’s just going to keep showing up at these.
If bartenational had used lowercase i’s we all would have assumed he was a talking cockroach after reading that post.
TAKE THAT REX YOU’VE BEEN OUT SNOBBED
the sad part is I don’t get it,
I don’t get your comment
I just said what I was thinking
I know I tend to ramble at times
but that is me
you know like every after school special
is like “be your self” and people will like you
I do that, but most people
react like WTF!
what the fuck r u talking about
or what the fuck are you thinking
or just plain HUH?!!?!?!!?!
but I was just being me… sorry
I kinda like the talking cockroach thing
Dangit! I missed the chance to see Scarlett Johansson all purtied up. Damn my aversion to awards shows!
http://www.krazy.com/archy.htm
horizons = enlarged
Jon Stewart called the lead singer from Counting Crows “Side Show Bob.” Just thought that was a good comparison to go with the fake dredlocks.
Stuck in TX for the week I didn’t get to see the Oscars (other than the best actor/picture stuff, Jamie Foxx was awesome…I didn’t even know he won best supporting until the next day…)
Anyway, I love the Counting Crows. Hard Candy was -such- a better album on future listens. If I Could Give All My Love To You…brilliant.
Nice rundown :)
Couldn’t agree with you more about Sean Penn, he was his usual humorless self. And I kept thinking that if that Counting Crows singer was on American Idol he wouldn’t make it past the first round…
bartenational, here’s the definition
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=tool&r=f
Sean Penn is one of the biggest tools in Hollywood…and that’s saying a lot.
you gypped the gypsies!
http://www.defectiveyeti.com/archives/000648.html
Oh. And we had an EAS (Amber, I think) alert here in the Pittsburgh Designated Marketing area. It apparently started exactly when Morgan Freeman came on stage and ended exactly when he left stage. My roommate was miffed. And all the conspiracy theorists in da Burgh are out.
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