I swear to the porcelain throne that no one pukes as much as I do. No one, I said. I puke on planes and I puke if I ride in backseats of cars. Surprisingly, I have only puked once after drinking, but I have thrown up on every other intoxicant I have ever tried, except for one. Really. Doing the dishes often makes me dry heave a little.
So, it is no surprise that for no reason at all at 5:30 this morning I awoke to that sickening, familiar feeling and headed straight for the bathroom. I put my face to the cold tile floor and waited. And waited. I could feel the illness rising in my body. After 20 minutes or so I shoved a finger down my throat and got it all over with. After 20 more minutes of gargling, teeth brushing and sitting on the couch in recovery watching the sun come up I went back to bed.
Good thing I find these purple spots I get around my eyes after hurling sort of cute. Tiny, colored freckles. Plus I get to enjoy mint tea and toast, one of my favorite breakfasts, while feeling all hollow and slim. Sick, I know, but there is something kind of calming about being totally empty.
Oh, and listen, I’m not pregnant. The internet always wants me to be pregnant, so don’t even start with that shit, yo.
11 comments ↓
A) I hear ya, girl! I am the person who says, “I don’t CARE if you called shot gun: unless you want my vomit in your hair, I have to have the front seat.” It’s depressing how many nights have been ruined by my carsickness.
B) What is it with the internet always wanting you to be pregnant? It’s the same for me!
WHORE
VOMITOUS WHORE
I want you to be pregnant. Get with it!
^^ YO MAMA LIKE A T3 CAUSE SHE TAKE AS MANY CONNECTIONS AS POSSIBLE
The purple spots are probably small burst blood vessels. They can appear after periods of coughing, sneezing, vomiting or general straining.
The human body is fascinating I tell you - FASCINATING.
close your eyes while puking. that gives less red points. and - for you are pregnant, as the whole internet knows - keep your eyes shut while pushing out the offspring as well. or else your eyes go red. which is scary, especially if you think that your baby will have his/her first glimpse of you with your eyes red as hell.
^^ YO MAMA SO DUMB SHE SAY “FTP PROTOCOL”
VCB=Very Cute Baby~
pardon me if i’m stupit, but do you know the internet people?
^^ YO MAMA SO FAT SHE HAD TO BE CONVERTED TO A WEB SAFE GIF BEFORE SHE COULD BE SENT VIA EMAIL
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