There is this movie called Citizen Ruth that was written and directed by the guy who wrote and directed Sideways, a film that has inspired countless snickers if I even mention the word merlot at my tables. Citizen Ruth, for those who have yet to see it, is a satire about abortion and the right to life in this country. It stars Laura Dern, a pregnant, paint-huffing drifter who finds herself in the center of a national battle on determining the fate of her baby. Each side keeps raising the stakes higher and higher while Ruth, the only one who decides what happens to her baby, is manipulated and lied to and ignored.

I don’t want to spoil the ending for people who want to see it–it’s good, I highly recommend it–but I am constantly reminded of it as I read and watch reports of what is happening to Terry Schiavo. I am reminded of it when I hear that Congress subpoenaed Terry Schiavo to testify . When I heard that Bush was flying into Washington from his vacation to sign a bill that applies not to cases like hers, but specifically to her only, I was also reminded of Citizen Ruth.

Netflicksters and bit torrenters, I guess what I am saying is, now is a good time to see Citizen Ruth. Enjoyed with a glass of pinot noir, naturally.

When I was in fifth and sixth grade I lived with my fucked up stepdad in this fucked up double-wide trailer on Petway Road. Not sure whose idea it was but we owned two goats, a momma goat and a baby goat. We had houses for them and hay and a salt lick, and even though they both met a tragic demise, they lived happy lives while our family lived a few feet away in constant terror and turmoil.

Sometimes I would sneak out to the goats’ houses for a reprise from the scariness of it all. And I would lick on the salt lick. Lick it right up.

So gross, right? Well, this blog post serves as more than just a confession. It’s also a disclosure to the boyfriend. I tried over and over to tell you this in person sweetie, but I just couldn’t, so I wrote about this here so you would know.

Baby, I gave you goat cooties.

Drinks I have loved in the order in which I loved them:

• age 18-vodka and orange juice, tall
• age 19-sea breeze
• age 19 1/2-cape cod, extra lime
• age 20-vodka tonics, extra lime
• age 21-vodka gimlets, straight up
• age 21 1/4-Petron tequila, chilled and straight up
• age 21 3/4-riesling
• age 23-merlot
• age 24-cabernet
• age 25-sake
• age 26-petit sirah
• age 27-sparkling whites and mimosas and cotes du rhones