Nearly two weeks ago Dan challenged me to write this entry. I am just now getting around to it. I think he counts half off if it’s late. Here is his for comparison, but the topic is A List of 5 Things that Society At-large Likes, Yet I Don’t Get:
1. Bananas - I don’t like banana anything. I hate banana milkshakes and banana-flavored candy and banana bread and banana pudding. All gross. Bananas are a food I have hated since the beginning of time. That, and raisins. (Though I always wanted to like raisins as a kid because the Sunmaid ones came in those cute, red boxes. I would try them every couple of years or so when I found the itty red box particularly cute, but would promptly spit them out every time.) I do like the idea of a fruit having such a handy-dandy, easy-to-remove wrapper. That’s pretty neat. But otherwise no way, no banana please, uh uh.
2. "Family Guy" - I am about to offend everybody I know, but that show is dumb. I just can’t get into it. TRUST ME, I’VE TRIED. People my age have found religion in the form of a stuck up, talking baby, and they are ready to tesify and witness and spread the word of "Family Guy". So, I’ve watched my fair share of the show just by living, and ya’ll it’s just not funny. It hurts me even.
3. Dogs - Dear Dogs, Get your sloppy, wet jowels off my new pants, thankyouverymuch. When you sniff my crotch it embarrasses me, and really and truly that is a major violation of my space. At that point you are invading my aura or something like it. I know that you want to jump up on me and give me disgusting mouth love, but you are heavy and your nails are too long and it hurts. Please stop it. And stop chasing me when I ride my bike, I get scared.
4. Cocaine - Sucks. You are an asshole when you are on it, and if you go "Oh, that’s not me" then are then you are a bigger asshole than the rest. I don’t want to listen to you blather on about fucking nothing while your bottom jaw is quivering and you’re chain smoking all up in my face. P.S. Your breath stinks and oh yeah, you’re broke.
5. Nerd Movies - Specifically Star Wars (all bazillion of them) and the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I didn’t see a single Star Wars movie until I was 18 years old, so I didn’t have that childhood nostalgia. I just kept falling asleep. The characters are flat as hell and the dialogue is stilted and I can’t feel a damn thing for any one on screen. Except apathy. Sure it’s pretty and boom-boom, fighty-fighty or whatever. It’s just not my thing. And I’m a big nerd, so isn’t that just a kick in the pants?
I think now I’m supposed to challenge three people to do it. I pick Kafkaesque, Number One Dana and Sarah B.
28 comments ↓
So we won’t find you watching the episode of Family Guy where Brian becomes the drug dog for the Quahog PD and gets addicted to cocaine while eating a bowl of Nature’s Own Banana Blitz? I’m just guessing here.
1) Celebrities. If you read People or Us you’re retarded.
2) Jesus. Grow up!
3) Malls. Mall rhymes with hell.
4) Suburbia. Worse than hell.
5) Shopping. Shouldn’t you be praying?
The Strokes. Worst fucking band of all time. Wealthy kids pretending to be the New York Dolls and somehow fooling every critic in England.
Steak. Beef in general? I guess you knew that one already.
Cel Phones. Oh! Those damned headset-earpiece phones. The only people i see with those are really ghetto, and talking to “K-dawg” about “rollin’.”
Babies. They’re ugly and dumb.
Summer. Sure, it’s good for crops and junk, but i’m personally looking forward to the next Ice Age, when being chubby will be chic once more.
See, but he’s not “stuck up”. He’s MEGALOMANIACAL.
Stuck up = not funny.
Deranged genocidal maniac = TEH FUNNAY!!!
Dude…the Family Guy where Herbert (the gay old man) tries to lure the son into his house via a “whole freezer of popsicles in his cellar”? Classic.
Two things that I will never get…Reality TV (because, hey, it’s not reality) and Desperate Housewives.
1. Finding Nemo: Just a pixelated rip off of the Little Mermaid. That little gimp ass fish just got on my nerves. The Rosie O’Donnel fish was worse. The only somewhat redeemable characters were those surfer turtles…duuuude!
2. Television: Theres nothing ever on. It sucks butt. Get a DVD player.
3. Baseball: Ugh…boring. Even the announcer sounds bored most of the time. That oh so amazing grand slam is just not that interesting at all. Reminds me of being picked last, everytime.
4. Halle Berry: They pick her as like the hottest woman for all these “guy lists” but to me she looks like a little boy. I hate how all these black artists made a huge deal about her oscar win and what a big step it was for African Americans. She looks like a little white boy! The only African American features she has are her….no nevermind, she has tiny areola’s!
5. Las Vegas: It just sucks there. Smoke permeates the air. The casino’s are like 50 degrees while just outside you are punched in the groin by 115 degree heat, even at 3 a.m. All day drinking is for losers. Losing money on gambling is for losers. Rooftop pools are o.k. Really, the stripclubs and hookers are cool but really how long could you spend at a stripclub without getting bored? As for hookers…I get it for free but when I get older and uglier, I could see how it might be worth it.
Your mother was a hamster.
I am acknowledging that I’ve been challenged, and as soon as I meet my work deadline, I’ll be right on it. A few list items that crossed my mind: kiwifruit, Desperate Housewives, and Mexicans. But then I realized, Hey, scratch…
‘Kay, I’m not l337 enough to be passed one of these meme things so I’ll pretend this Sparkwood & 21 comment is my blog and will post my list, like anyone cares:
1. In huge fucking letters: THE DAVE MATTHEWS BAND. My cat sounds better when she’s whining about having a full litterbox. Who elected this guy to be the shit?
2. Rap music. I’m entertained by Dangermouse’s mix of Jay-Z’s Black Album (w/ samples from the Beatles’ White Album, don’t ya know, titled the Grey Album. It’s downloadable from bannedmusic.org) and I think Tricky’s Maxinquaye CD — although not technically rap — has some really cool stuff on it, but the rest of the genre drives me nuts.
3. Hip hop. Sorry, folks, but it all sounds the same to me: engineered to cause small plastic pieces on run down or pimped out cars to rattle at stop lights and guaranteed to piss off parents of 14 year old white beeOTCHES who dress like mini-day-glo Christine Aguileras, but otherwise BORING. Trip hop is okay (Portishead, Tricky, possibly Zero-7, Massive Attack) but not HIP hop. Good God, make it stop…
4. Blackberrys (BlackberrIES?). Like I want to email folks while I’m walking down a sidewalk or something. Whatever.
5. The movie Sideways. I love fine wines and I love wine country in California. I thought Thomas Haydn Church did a great job playing a twit. I typically dislike Merlot. Regardless, there must be something major about this movie that I missed because I didn’t think it came even close to living up to any of its hype. In fact, it was quite boring IMHO. I guess I’m out of touch.
Hip-hop and rap music?
You don’t need to be playing Hip Hop to be Rappin’…
…and vice versa…
I can agree with you about the banana’s, cocaine, and “Family Guy”
but a dog can save your life … and come on … Lord Of The Rings was awesome.
Also … I was 14 when the first Star Wars movie was released … I’ve been hooked ever since (just on the story line … I never bought any of the merchandise)
1. People who say, “I don’t like it, therefore it’s dumb.”
2. White people who think they understand the “difference” between “Hip-Hop” and “Rap.”
3. People who make a big deal about how much they hate television. Yawn.
4. People who compare the Strokes to the New York Dolls, the Stooges, the Velvet Underground, &c, because they read in Chunklet or Spin or some shit that that’s why you’re supposed to love/hate the Strokes. You’ve obviously never actually listened to a Strokes record, so shut the fuck up.
5. Assholes who insult other people’s opinions in the comments section of a friends weblog. Shut yr yap!
Incidentally, I know that I failed the assignment, cause nobody likes the things I mentioned. Also, I love to watch the Star Wars movies, but they all suck. Except Empire Strikes Back.
I’m totally going to do this! Next week!
A new list:
1) Folks who think that bands like Luscious Jackson do hip hop.
2) Folks who assume because they don’t agree with an opinion of a band that the person with the opposing viewpoint has never even listened to the band.
3) People who drop names/associations when trying to add emphasis to a point.
4) Hypocrites.
5) Hypocrites again .
You get all types in these blogs, don’t you?
The Strokes don’t sound like the New York Dolls. They don’t, sorry. And my #5 was me. I’m the asshole. Sorry again.
Geez, I’m always late to comment, but here’s one: Dave Chappelle. Maybe he’s just TOO cerebral. Me dunno.
But it is dumb!
Actually, i have heard the first Strokes record, about a dozen times over the course of one night. Revolting.
But you’re right, they don’t sound like the New York Dolls, they just TRY to sound like them. And fail. MISERABLY.
^__^
What the hell is Chunklet?? I can eat those, right?
Oh hell. You’re not going to make me update my blog are you?
You need to either get your eyes checked or jump off a bridge. TV, Finding Nemo, Baseball, Halle Berry and Las Vegas? Is that the best you can do?
Thank you! I hate Family Guy. And I’ve tried. Really, I have. People swear by it, and I swear at it.
you’re all gay
Who are YOU calling gay? Dirtbag.
Boyz rool, Girlz drool!
well before it was everyone else, but now it’s you, “Diego”. munch munch
Dork!
1. Reality TV
2. Reality TV
3. Reality TV
4. Reality TV
5. Reality TV
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