Yesterday the boyfriend and I decided on a hike. We considered the gym, but we wanted some moderate, outdoor exercise so we headed to the park. We tucked bottled water and a Luna bar and trail mix into his backpack and set out for the woods.
We arrived at the park without incident, and pulled into a parking spot in a nearly empty lot. Almost immediately another car pulled in right beside us, despite there being 25 others empty all around. Before I could get out of the driver’s side the woman driving the vehicle parked right beside us had gotten out with her golden retriever and come around to greet me at my door.
"Oh! She sees a person! She can smell a person a hundred yards away." The woman was talking in a baby voice, very high-pitched. I struggled to get out of my car as her dog was sniffing my sneakers.
She could probably tell I wasn’t going to get all excited about her dog being in my personal space, so she went around to the boyfriend. He called the dog to him and got down on one knee and up in the dog’s face, letting this stranger’s pet lick him and climb all over. I joined the boyfriend and the woman’s conversation about how he hopes to convince me to get a dog that big once we move.
"Oh, goldens are great. They are so friendly. They just have such a good nature. I mean, I think you’d have to get a golden that was kind of off to get one that isn’t friendly."
About that time Friendly the Golden jumped up on me some more, then jumped up on the boyfriend a little bit before JUMPING ON MY CAR. That dog jumped up and started flailing around on the back of my car with his TOO LONG NAILS and scratched the paint on my car.
"Get down! That is not what she wants, you up there scratching her car." Brilliant observation, Einstein, but it seems the damage is done. "He’s just a puppy," she said, "I’ve got to train him not to do that." Despite my having sunglasses on I think she could tell I was a little pissed off. It wasn’t until she left that my anger started to swell.
Who THE FUCK did she think she was? All I was trying to do was to go to the woods to get AWAY from people, not be accosted by them and their poorly trained dogs. The woman’s lack of boundaries and control over her dog caused damage to my property. I didn’t ask to play with her dog. I didn’t want to be jumped on. And I certainly didn’t want my car getting dog scratches all over it.
I was fucking furious by this point. And I wasn’t just mad at her. I was mad at every delusional dog owner (and there are many!) who thinks you are going to love their mangy mutt as much as they do. Well, guess what crazy dog lovers: we don’t. Don’t come up to me with your dog assuming I want to talk about it. You are not allowed to let your dog jump on my clothes and slobber on me and FUCK UP MY CAR. I’m sick of having my space invaded and my crotch sniffed and my fucking car scratched.
A lot of dogs and their owners are great. My friend Shelly has two greyhounds that kick ass. Those are the most well behaved, laid back dogs I’ve ever seen. They rule. They have never once jumped on me or slobbered anywhere. They mostly just lie down.
I suppose I just wish that dog owners were more respectful of people who don’t fall in love with every dog they meet at first sight. And be willingly responsible for the damage their pet causes.
Is that so much to ask?
Oh, and one more thing. Don’t call them "goldens." Golden retriever doesn’t take that much more effort, and you sound less like a douche.
21 comments ↓
It annoys me to no end when owners let their dogs run wild and then just say “sorry, he’s an active one.” When we had our dog he would behave around other people or we would discipline him.
What’s funny is that if I’m in a group of people and someone brings a dog by, there will be times when I wont want to pet the animal and people will look at me like I’m some kind of monster.
Replace “dog” with “child” and you’ll have my #1 peeve. Living in Utah is especially wonderous, considering how every family has about 50 fucking children, all of which run around un-parented always.
Dog owners and parents. There should be licenses for these things.
What erat said–exactly!
Yeah, see, your problem isn’t with dogs. It’s with people. If I dragged a weed-wacker around with me everywhere, and let the weed-wacker tear up your shoes, you wouldn’t hate weed-wackers. You’d hate their owners.
wow, so much anger. try to relax. car - inanimate object. it doesn’t love you. lady and dog, living creatures. insensitive yes, rude, yes. but even the dog has more value to the
world than your car.
That stanger woman and her untrained dog do not have more value to ME than my car. Sure, my car is inanimate, but it is my lifeline. Without it I might lose my job.
If I don’t want somefuckingbody’s dog scratching up my vehicle, then I can say so. If this was THE WORLD’s blog, maybe it would be different. But it ain’t.
Last time I checked the check to TypePad was signed by me, not planet Earth.
BUT THANKS FOR PLAYING!
if it was a puppy they take time to be trained kinda like learning how to multiply.
No shit, sweetcheeks. Which is why that leash the puppy was on is adjustable in length. If the puppy causes damage to my property, then the puppy’s leash is too long.
Angry Brittney is Good Brittney. To the dumb hippy who thinks dogs are more valuable than cars, how do you think your patchouli incense stick makes it to the head shop? Some form of motorized transport, I’m guessin’. Also, cars don’t shit in my yard. See ya at Burning Man, pal.
I see there is no need for me to intervene!
Righteous post. Pet owners who stumble through life assuming that their very individual dispositions toward certain animals are universal and compulsory need to be flayed alive. Yes, puppies are hard to manage. That’s why an owner might refrain from unleashing them on strangers and their effects.
Still, kid people are a damned sight worse. The idea that the world should (symbolically) go down on them, warming up their baby bottles, listening to their identical stories, and accomodating their need to spread their progeny’s snot and germs all over the greater society makes me want to spike their drinks with ebola. Wow, congratulations, parents: you’ve joined that rarefied and exclusive club of the 12 billion or so humans who have successfully copulated and reproduced. I can see why you’re so proud, and why I should defer to you and your disgusting cretins at the expense of my priorities and convenience.
But I digress. Thank you for the visit to My Life as a…Gas Station Attendant. I’m glad you liked it, though I may have some trouble having your babies, due to certain genetic obstacles on both of our parts. I’ll definitely link to your excellent blog, and invite you to reciprocate if you think my stuff warrants it.
eeeyep. That’s happened to me, too.
Greyhounds are known to be extremely calm and well-mannered. There’s a greyhound adoption program set up with Southland Greyhound Park in West Memphis, so they’re very popular in Memphis. Among people who have dogs as pets rather than protection, that is.
I have a cat.
I’m a dog lover. I’ve grown up with dogs. Not everyone is a dog lover, and because I love dogs doesn’t mean everyone else has to.
Next time go with a gun. Aformentioned dog jumps on your hood. Aformentioned idiot says “She’s got to learn not to do that.”
You pull out a gun, and blow the dog away. Your boyfriend says to the aformentioned idiot “She’s got to learn not to do that.”
Think the lady will train her next dog better?
re-read my post and you will notice that there is no reference as to what anyone can and can’t say.
hippies are all about the first amendment. i bet
if you would have exercised that right when the
dog jumped on your car; maybe with a: get that fucking dog off my car you stupid bitch! you would
have felt much better about the whole thing. how are people going to learn if you don’t speak up?
don’t let a woman and a dog run you over. this is America. good men and women have died for our right to tell somone to fuck off. its a good thing
ok 1 more, just can’t resist… later tonight I am going to fire up the hybrid and ride out to Belle Meade, or maybe Franklin, (not Brentwood, they just think they’re rich) find the most ridicously oversized and overpriced house on the block, jump the fence, and curl a gigantic nitty-gritty granola laden turd right there in front of God and everybody. The light a patchouli incense stick and afix it like a torch. a hippie statue of liberty. thanks for letting me play
Not only are Dogs pets, they are also property, of which you are responsible for. If you allow your car to run into my car, then you have to pay for it. IF you dog fucks up my car, they you have to pay for it. Brittney, you didn’t say, so I imagine you didn’t do it, but, did you happen to get the licence plate number of her vehicle? You insurance company would make her pay for the repairs.
Now, to confess, I had a cat that like to sit on cars. And my neighbor happened to own a red ferrari. I talked to him about it, and he said he didn’t mind. All the cat left was dirty paw marks - no scratches, thank god.
I like dogs … especially when I can get the grill marks just right without turning the skin black.
I have a K9. It wasn’t my idea. The roommate I call wife decided it was time for a dog, so she found a border collie pup. It became my dog within the week … I feed it, I walk it, I train it. It follows me around with it’s snout in my ass from the time I get home from work ’till the time I go to bed. When I take it out in public, it’s on a fucking short leash. It’s a border collie, a herder … it doesn’t like strangers. It definitely doesn’t like other dogs, cats, bunnies, squirrels, racoons, etc. I hate dog owners that think you like their dog because it’s there. Keep the fucking mutt off my leg or buy me a new pair of jeans. If your piece of shit dog comes wandering in my yard … you’ll spend a long time looking for it and you’ll probably not find it unless you employ a shovel and trespass in backyard.
I have two cats … they’re cool. They live outside and kill things and leave them laying around for me to step on when I’m wandering around in the dark, drunk, in my barefeet. They’re probably sitting on the neighbors expensive fucking sports car laughing at me … “that’ll teach him to forget the fucking catnip” …
The most ironic thing is … I always wanted my own dog … WHEN I WAS A KID AND HAD TIME TO PLAY WITH IT.
Also … I don’t let it lick my face. It licks it’s ass all day long … get a fucking clue
Dog owners make better lovers. There.
I have two dogs who I love to death and would beat to almost death if they did something like that. I’m the first to admit that they’re spoiled, but that’s my fault, and I know better than to let them get all up in people’s space.
The Gas Guy had it right. Your new park friend and the parent who coos when her kid pukes all over your new carpet and calls it cute (baby just has a little gas) need to take a trip together to teh Bermuda Triangle.
lol
Wow, you definitely have more patience than me. That “Golden” would have met my foot in the ass if it had one nail on my car.
Oh man dog owners are the worst I am not kidding I live in Santa Barbara County California and the crap they pull around here in insane!
We had a city official chewed up by pit bulls. A pit bull home invasion. a old lady mauled by a pit bull in front of christmas shoppers- dog noise pollution like you would not believe- but its ok cause the dogs are tormenting people and that’s all right. Yowling all night chewing kids up hey thats ok. Dogs just do that sort of thing ya know
Never try to reason with a dog owner or get them to be responsible. Why should they? They have a dog and you had better love their dog or else!
unreal…..
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