There is this movie coming out called Waiting. It is a comedy about working in a restaurant. You’ve probably seen the commercial or the trailer. Now, this movie may or may not be funny, I am not one to pre-judge (Unless you are wearing one of those No Fear shirts. No mere mortal can be expected not to prejudge a No Fear wearer.), but the previews for this film feature an awful lot of kitchen staff and servers doing disgusting things to people’s food.
I don’t think gritty realism is what this movie is aiming for, but that gross out stuff is just for laughs. Restaurants, and the people who work in them, can sometimes be seedy (in a good way!), but eatery employees are not that low. Nearly every one I’ve ever worked with has agreed that fucking with customer’s food is a no-no.
Oh, they’ll threaten it. And why not, because YOU’LL NEVER KNOW. And a lot of you are pricks. But no one is going to spit in your drink or shake dandruff on your salad or wipe their ass with your french toast. Many people may not believe in karma, but most of them fear it. Find any restaurant worker you know, and ask them if they’ve ever done something disgusting to a customer’s food. Chances are they’ll say no way. No one I have ever worked with has ever fucked with a guest’s food.
Except this one guy. We’ll call him Jet Leroy. That was his nickname.
Once upon a time Jet
Leroy had a very pretty girlfriend, thin and dark-haired with olive
skin. She was smart, too, in the midst of applying to various law
schools. Jet Leroy loved her very much.
But his girlfriend found favor with another man. A lawyer. She
didn’t break it off with Jet Leroy, but instead had a relationship with
them both until Jet Leroy learned what was going on. It was a
torturous, drawn-out breakup with a million lies and do-overs. Not
pretty.
One evening, after they’d finally given up the ghost, she came into
the restaurant where they both worked with the new lawyer man. The
entire staff was gobsmacked by the audacity of the move. Both of them
sat, happy as pigs in shit, drinking wine and smoking cigarettes.
Someone was brave enough to alert Jet Leroy to whom had just ordered
the t-bone he was about to grill.
Jet Leroy pulled a 20-oz. porter house from the cooler and threw
it onto the kitchen floor with a loud splat. Blood from prime rib
ran along the tiles, as did a day’s worth of waiter shoe funk. He then
jumped on the steak with both feet, grinding it into the grossness on
the floor. All of us watched on in horror.
Lawyer guy ordered his t-bone well done, which is a trick with a
bone-in steak that large. Bruce Leroy’s stomping made that steak thin
enough to grill out every last bit of pink. He served it up beautifully
with steamed vegetables.
Every one who ever heard that story said the asshole deserved it.
Knowing the both of them, I can’t say I disagree. I’m not saying it is
right, I’m just saying it happened.
But true stories like that are a real rarity.
Once upon a time Jet
Leroy had a very pretty girlfriend, thin and dark-haired with olive
skin. She was smart, too, in the midst of applying to various law
schools. Jet Leroy loved her very much.
But his girlfriend found favor with another man. A lawyer. She
didn’t break it off with Jet Leroy, but instead had a relationship with
them both until Jet Leroy learned what was going on. It was a
torturous, drawn-out breakup with a million lies and do-overs. Not
pretty.
One evening, after they’d finally given up the ghost, she came into
the restaurant where they both worked with the new lawyer man. The
entire staff was gobsmacked by the audacity of the move. Both of them
sat, happy as pigs in shit, drinking wine and smoking cigarettes.
Someone was brave enough to alert Jet Leroy to whom had just ordered
the t-bone he was about to grill.
Jet Leroy pulled a 20-oz. porter house from the cooler and threw
it onto the kitchen floor with a loud splat. Blood from prime rib
ran along the tiles, as did a day’s worth of waiter shoe funk. He then
jumped on the steak with both feet, grinding it into the grossness on
the floor. All of us watched on in horror.
Lawyer guy ordered his t-bone well done, which is a trick with a
bone-in steak that large. Bruce Leroy’s stomping made that steak thin
enough to grill out every last bit of pink. He served it up beautifully
with steamed vegetables.
Every one who ever heard that story said the asshole deserved it.
Knowing the both of them, I can’t say I disagree. I’m not saying it is
right, I’m just saying it happened.
But true stories like that are a real rarity.