I desperately need to get out of my head and out of the insular world of weblogs. I need to hold the hand of someone who is lonely, help ease the pain of someone suffering. I need to see the raw flesh and scars of burn victims. I need to witness the mourning of someone who has lost someone they thought they couldn’t live without.
I need more than anything to teach someone to read. Or build a useful tool with my bare hands for someone without any. I need to sit for long spells and not think and not consume. I want to make someone laugh, someone who was hellbent on not cracking a smile. I want to make a little girl feel fantastically confident about something not involving how she looks.
I need to hear the cries of the hungry. I need to feed. I want to affect change.
But I’m afraid I’ll fuck it up.
7 comments ↓
I believe the most seismic shifts in human interaction, attitude, etc. occur from the small things we do every day, not the overt, obvious things we do occasionally. When you do things throughout the day that make peoples’ days better, they’ll be more apt to do the same. It’s like that old shampoo commercial where someone tells two friends, then they tell two friends, then so on, and so on, and…
You’ve probably done most of the above without even thinking about it. We tend to not notice the things we do selflessly, though, so I wouldn’t blame you for not noticing. I’m sure you’ve improved someone’s day today. Ditto for yesterday, and the day before, etc.
Just my $0.02. I’ll go back to shutting up now.
I, and I’m sure you, have tried to explain this whole blogging thing to people in the ‘outside’ world. Most don’t understand why we do it or devote so much time to it.
But to those that are involved and put some stock in this whole technological ecosystem, being singled out and noticed by you from the helm of what I (and others) see has one of this city’s most widely read sites accomplishes at least one, if not two, of your goals above. That was probably the worst run on sentence ever, but it’s late and I hope you get my point. And for the rest, erat is right…the best things you do will be the things you never know you did.
being singled out and noticed by you from the helm of what I (and others) see has one of this city’s most widely read sites accomplishes at least one, if not two, of your goals above.
Totally agree with girl jag on this one. It may not be what you had in mind but you’ve accomplished some of those things right from your desk in the newsroom.
When I feel really angsty I try to surrender whatever it is as specifically as I can. This seems to be working.
Better to want to affect change, and fuck up. Myself I choose to be numb and apathetic, seems to work for me. But I recognize the nobility in the effort to just try, even if it’s just a mood.
Pallax
Hi Brittney,
I really appreciate your “laying your heart on the line” like this.
I’m sure your actions help many people around you every day in ways that you probably will never know.
One thing that helps me in my attempts at rendering loving service to others is reminding myself that it is not about me. If I am giving of myself to another person, then the focus is upon them. Therefore, it is technically impossible to fuck up that enterprise.
Thanks, Tim
I need to witness the mourning of someone who has lost someone they thought they couldn’t live without.
That was me about a month ago. It was quite a sight.
Life is so different when you turn around and see the waves crashing behind you instead of on you.
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