My Weird, Bitch Neighbor

A couple of days ago the boyfriend and I went out to pick up some lunch and as we were unlocking the front door I noticed a dark blue Oldsmobile driving about 5 miles an hour past our house. With the window rolled down and her car rolling to a stop, a blonde lady with a red, fat face said, "Excuse me!"

I turned to her. She asked, "Do you have a dog?" I yelled that I did. The she asked, "Do you walk your dog?" I yelled back that yes, we do walk our dog. In retrospect I kind of wish I had yelled out, "No, we just let her shit and piss in the house!" Instead I was very polite.

The red faced lady just stared at us blankly, her car idling. "Okay," she said suspiciously, and still just sat there.

"Is there I problem?," I asked her. Again, she just sat there silently, starting at us.

"Do you have a problem with us?" That was the boyfriend. He yelled it with more force than I could have mustered. With that she drove a few feet up the street, but stopped again. Trying to get her to tell us what the hell she wanted I tried the flies with honey approach. "If there is something I can do to make you more comfortable just let me know," I said clumsily. It came out wrong, but I really wanted her to tell me why she stopped us.

"Okay," she said again, still staring. Then, she drove off. We watched her car all the way up the road, waiting to see if she’d turn into a driveway. She did not, she left the street as if she didn’t live on it, but she does. That lady is our neighbor a few houses up the street. She has a cat that is always out in her yard. I have to keep Tootie on a short leash around her yard, since the dog is dead set on cat chasing. But Tootie has never done more than frightened her cat. We’ve never left any poop in anyone’s yard. At most Tootie might have walked a few feet into her yard.

Once when I was walking the dog I saw Red Face in the glass front door, staring. She waited until I was out of sight, then yelled something. Something about her mailbox. I ignored it, because I figured if she was talking to me she wouldn’t have waited until I got all the way past her house.

But apparently Red Face has an issue so problematic she can’t even talk about it. Why would you ask someone those questions then refuse to answer their questions of reply? Even stranger there was an elderly person sitting in the passenger’s seat, but I couldn’t tell if it was a man or a woman because he or she never once turned to face the rest of us. The person just sat there, not moving, frozen. It made the situation even more bizarre.

Once we got inside I got really pissed. I wanted to know what that bitch’s deal was. Now every time I walk Tootie I make sure to get on the other side of the street from her home, but I cup my hand over my eyes and peer into her windows to let her know I know where she lives. And that I am looking for her. And when I see her again, I will invite her to the road (I wouldn’t dare take the dog onto her property) and ask her what the hell she wanted. I why she couldn’t be bothered to answer me the first time.

I’m looking forward to it.