Dear Lovely Kroger Cashier

Lady, them nails sure do look pretty. I also happen to find five inches of acryclic sharpened into lacquered talons flattering and attractive. I particularly enjoy the hot pink sunburst design that you have chosen for your manicure. The silver gem on each nail is a fine touch.

However, due to your giant fingernails you have taken five minutes to ring up an apple, a pear and a can of minestrone soup. You have also dropped my receipt, struggled to make change from the till and also nearly stabbed me in the wrist. I respect a certain amount of sacrifice for beauty’s sake, but you might ask your manicurist for something simple and shorter next time. Your work is suffering.