Entries from May 2006 ↓

If you run out of eye makeup remover, do not substitute a dab of Neutrogena Body Oil. Your eyes will become red, swollen and leaky.

Dear Tom Cruise,

Don’t you have a baby at home? A little perfect girl whose name means "pointy nose" and "pickpocket" who, if Scientology allows it, would enjoy some one on one time with her Pa. She’s brand new, you know? Just weeks old, your daughter should be bonding with you, not suckling at the tit of some nanny. 

Get your middle tooth-havin’, hair plug-wearin’, Xenu-worshippin’, placenta muchin’ ass off my television set. I mean that. Take your swishy self back to where that baby is mister and stop faking smiles at Star Jones. Lest we start to think you had this baby for publicity purposes.

I still love you in Magnolia,
Brittney

Today I was able to get into a pair of jeans I’ve been too fat to wear for a year. They went on easily and zipped up comfortably. The carrot sticks and hill walking are paying off.

Go me, I say.

UPDATE: I didn’t have to pull shit out of my dog’s butt this morning. That also makes this a good day.