There is an element of my job that makes me feel very lonely. Like I’m the teacher or the bartender or the camp counselor. There is a distance between me and everyone else just by virtue of the position. I often feel like I’m on the outside looking in.
I feel like I’m constantly being judged, and I guess I am. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to finding scalding criticisms of my work in various coves of the internet. Or the letters with threats of calls to management.
I’m tired of reading these people’s opinions. No offense to them, they constantly surprise me with their wit and insight, but boy, am I burned out. This group of writing is all I read anymore by and large. I come home thoroughly drained. Hell, I’m tired of my own opinion. I don’t care what I care about anymore! I just want to read the paper again without having to form a bulletproof opinion on the issue at hand. I’d like to be able to write about my life, but it has sort of evaporated. Every single person I know knows about this blog. Every one. And if they don’t they will soon enough. Can you say that about your own weblog?
I miss flying under the radar. It was therapeutic for me to write about my life, my troubles, my mishaps here. I don’t feel like I can do that anymore. I mean, in reality, I shouldn’t be writing this.
Obviously, I’m burned out. Oh, and I feel like a total asshole complaining about the blog job, just so you know. It’s like when Cameron Diaz bemoans being too pretty. Makes you want to slap her, but that’s the other part of my problem. I feel like no one understands. Who else does what I do? No one, really. Not in the same capacity. Just another reason why I feel lonely.
I need a vacation. Good news is I’ve got one coming soon.
14 comments ↓
I understand you.
Yeah, it’s sad to watch some of my favorite personal bloggers (Choire, you) become professional bloggers … at the expense of their personal blogging, which I loved oh so much.
That said, everyone I know reads my blog … and the end result is that I have a private, heavily filtered livejournal, which is sort of hilarious. BUT I LOVE IT.
I can’t say that I understand, but I do admire you for what you do everyday on that job. I’ve said it before, but having guest blogged for you a few times…omg, it is not an easy job! It’s fun, but not easy. Add to that being under a microscope…
I’ve got a LiveJournal site, too…because my mother started trolling my WP blog. Yes, I said my MOTHER. She’d get on and write the most hateful things to commenters. Unreal!
Anyway, just wanted to send my support…
Maybe start an anonymous blog? Just for therapeutic purposes?
p.s. Cameron Diaz shouldn’t worry about being too pretty. She’s not.
I heart you even if you are burned out.
When I was in high school, I thought it would be fun to get a part-time job at a radio station in my little hometown. Many years later after I parted ways with WRLT, I swore off radio as a vocation, but eventually took a gig in public radio because it was something I loved and believed in and wanted to be a part of. 13 years later, that thing that I used to love is now just a job, albeit a pretty good one, but it has become something that is impossible to enjoy the way I used to (for reasons far too numerous and complicated to get into in a public forum). Point is, lots of us have had the same feelings in our own little pockets of isolation, so I promise you some of us understand.
And ditto to what Megan says about Cameron Diaz.
if i am only sure of one thing it is that being photographed having sex with an octopus is the absolute cure for malaise
At the newspaper, this is par for the course. I get angry diatribes about a variety of things.
You get burned out and sometimes I think I jump off into the land of seriously being depressed because it’s so negative.
I guess what I’m saying is, I understand to a degree.
I’m hoping you start feeling better.
p.s. Private blogs with invited guests are wonderful things.
At C but no E, I kind of became jealous of bloggers like you and some others who were so charismatic. I don’t want to say I live by number of comments, but it’s really neat seeing someone make a meaningful comment on my blog every so often. But yes, I suppose the flip side is that you wind up having to censor yourself, both to keep the blog going and to keep the negative comments at bay. That would suck.
Nowadays, I think I’ve found the root of all the good bloggers I know, who just blog for the love of it, and to get thoughts out on the web, and hopefully have a sounding board for them.
I cant imagine what you must go through, maybe 6 people read my pathetic page. sometimes I wish I had the kind of readership that you or other “a-list” bloggers have, but after reading this, I am kinda glad I still have my “privacy.”
but please don’t go away forever, this is one of the few blogs really worth reading …
FINALLY WE BROKE HER DOWN
C’MON GANG IF WE TRY A LITTLE HARDER WE CAN MAKE THE CUNT QUIT BY AUGUST
Anonymous blogs.
Web 2.0 without the “look at me, i’m me, aren’t i cool, be my friend”
I thoroughly enjoy reading your work. I hate you have to censor yourself. I know I do not understand at all. I do hope you enjoy the vacation coming up. ;) Keep up the good work~!
I understand you a bit. My job is very isolating and all I do is write all day for someone else. This means that when I want to write something fun, I feel like I don’t have anything left to give - it is draining. But I think I would be sad if I stopped trying.
Leave a Comment