I am not interested in manifestos. I’m not going to write a long, elaborate explanation or apology. I feel like what I’ve said can speak for itself, and the rest–the lies about me having another job lined up, the misconception that I was fired, the endless declarations of my idiocy and ill-will–will have to stand on their own as well. When people Google my name and discover all these most recent insults and charges, I trust that they will consider the broader context of everything that happened, which will undoubtedly be an easier task from a spot way on down the road. Am I naive to think that? Probably.
I hold no grudges nor harbor any hard feelings. I don’t have it in me to even address what just happened in my life as a "Left Eats Its Own," as it has been framed over and over again. I got caught up in the petty rat and tat of online political discussion, complete with barbs and low blows, but I am no longer able to do that. I just don’t care anymore. It was never healthy. And it certainly doesn’t matter.
Because of things like this I will never forsake my beloved internets. There are too many awe-inspiring, soul-stirring, mind-bending things to behold here on the tubes that I wouldn’t tune out and miss it for the world. But I am no longer here to argue. I was never good at it anyway.
I went on vacation to visit the boyfriend’s family in Chattanooga. We played Goony Golf, wherein I kicked the ass of all three of my skilled opponents. We also hit the batting cages, something I was soooo excited to do, something I hadn’t done in years. Once inside and helmeted up, I proceeded to whiff over and over and over again. It was embarrassing. I could barely get the bat around in time. For someone who was talking big about how incredible it was going to feel to really "connect with the ball again," that was a sizable lesson in humility. That spawned my kittenish (ahem) behavior once we hit the go karts; I was a beaten woman. Still the ride was pretty sweet, and my ass didn’t get wet like my companion’s due to some drenched kid just before her. Small victories.
We went to visit Civil War battlefields with the boyfriend’s sister’s war buff boyfriend. Thanks to Battle for Chattanooga Museum I learned that I was sitting on a mountain once stained by the blood of tens of thousands of men, and just as many horses. There was this cheesy little diorama-like presentation with little red Christmas lights that lit up the out-of-scale mountain and ridges, and it was awesome. I forgot all about my web woes by putting it all in context, remembering that I am a speck of insignificance in this world and that any lingering anguish in all for naught. It was a delight and a relief.
I spent time with my pets and my boyfriend’s family, who is very much like my family. I read books instead of blogs, and I slept in late and lounged outdoors in the sun in my pajamas. I saw true sadness–the slow loss of an aging parent, and my perspective was sharpened.
Today is the last day of my previously scheduled vacation. I feel the urge to dive into finding something else, but I am also compelled to take this time to just sit still and reflect. It is a powerful, but wonderful struggle. I feel wholly human again, something I haven’t experienced for a while for a lot of complicated reasons.
I have emails to write and thank yous to give and a resume to perfect, but I am thankful for this time and the ability to sit and write this. I am blessed beyond all my comprehension.
UPDATE: Come to the Flying Saucer Thursday night! Buy me drinks! I will tell you all my secrets! It will be awesome! (Thanks, Katherine.)
23 comments ↓
Welcome home. I love me some Sparkwood.
Mike
You’re an amazing blogger and it broke my heart to see you leave NIT. I’ve been around lurking since April. That’s when NIT and your blogging genius were highlighted at journalism conference I went to in Vegas. You’re inspiration to me when I blog from my own work web site.
I’m sad other people don’t have a sense of humor and/or who can’t grok sarcasm. I’m sad online blog visitors can be so cruel to you without bothering to understand the context of your work blog. Screw ‘em. And best of luck to you.
Wishing you luck and peace,
Trace
Welcome home. We missed you (and Cooper and Tootie) but it sounds like it was a terrific vacation, and I know you needed it (and deserved it).
Saw the Cooper & Tootie pix on Flickr last night, they certainly had a blast. Wish my brood wasn’t so rude and obnoxious and would travel as wonderfully as they do!
I just want to know if you’re going to make it to BlogHer in July. Pleeeeease??
Keep on truckin, Brittney. I know you’ll land in a better spot. I’ll be there later than sooner on Thursday, but I’m looking forward to it. See y’all there.
Whoo-hoo!
Barring storms or other unforeseen events, I will BE THERE, as I just picked up my shiny new scary fast wheels at lunchtime, today. Yay, me!
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Yipee! I will most definitely buy you a drink Thursday night! :)
[comment deleted, user banned]
One great thing about blogging only for me and no one else? I don’t have to allow asshattery if’n I don’t want to. Insults will not make it through here, folks. Take your play elsewhere.
I’m heading to Bonnaroo, otherwise I’d probably show.
Have fun. Good to see that this thing hasn’t ruint your spirits.
Good to see you had a very nice and very needed vacation, Brittney. If you need any help with anything, please call me. The day will come when the bigger picture can be seen and shared. Until then, people will speculate, assume and wonder.
Why did Brittney really leave? What will happen to NIT? Why doesn’t Brittney apologize for being a conservative goon? Is Kat Coble the new Brittney? Why doesn’t WKRN say something? What were those stupid videos that appeared for two days? What will Brittney do next? Am I going to heavan or hell?
MY NUTS YOUR CHIN YEAH THAT ONE MADE IT THROUGH DIDN’T IT WOOOO 10SE4LIFE FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY STING LIKE A BEE I’M SO BAD YOU CAN’T DELETE ME WOOOO CUNTCUNTCUNTCUNTCUNT
Loved seeing you, the boyfriend, and the “kids” this weekend. Pippy and CJ enjoyed playing with Tootie and Cooper. Come back soon, okay? Enjoy your time between jobs, things will work out bigger and better for you.
I am so sorry that my Deutschklasse is on Thursday at 6:00p because I would so enjoy coming out to meet one of my blogging inspirations. You are one of a few women whom I followed and who made me feel like I too could enter into this crazy blogosphere.
I have said before that I followed from afar, not certain whether or not to make comments. Last month I decided what the hell? Quit dipping your toe in the waters and standing behind the veil… Jump in full throttle and sink or swim on your own merit.
Thank you for being you and saying what you say and doing what you do. Most of all, I say with gratitude, thanks for inspiring me to do the same.
Enjoy your time off. Everyone told me that when I got laid off and 6 weeks later I was back at work wondering why I didn’t have more fun….
Welcome back!
I hope I can get to the saucer Thursday, but sadly this is the week that the Tibetan lamas are in town for their annual visit. If I can I’ll head down as soon as Thursday’s teachings are done, but it may be nine or later. Anyway I’ll be there in spirit!
Thanks for all the times you let me host. Sorry for all the hate you’ve been exposed to - makes me think sometimes that equality of voice should be something you qualify for - if there was such a way.
I’m glad that you had a good vacation and was able to reconnect. Sometimes, it’s these very things that make us realize what is important in life. I had a moment like that 2 years ago. My life has been nothing but sweet ever since. I still miss you at NIT!
Does this mean I can call you Kitten now?
Brittney,
Glad you had a good vacation. I wanted to second Kevin’s sentiment and say thanks for the times you let me guest blog on the weekends.
Ms. G, I’m so sorry for all the awful things that have been said. I wish good things for you in the future.
Hey BG,
It’s good to see you back online again.
Wish I could be up there tonight to buy you a drink, I know you guys are gonna have an absolute blast. Unfortunately work comes early in the morning so I can’t come up. Drink one for me and have a great time!!!
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