Entries from June 2007 ↓

It’s actually raining. It hasn’t rained here in so long that I sort of forgot what the droplets felt like on my skin. I opened the door to let the dogs out when I saw that the porch steps were slick and wet, a sight I hadn’t seen in a while. I stepped out to see light drizzle coating the dry, brown shards of crunchy grass. It felt cool and wonderful and brand new.

So, earlier I was having an adult beverage with my Auntie B at Beyond the Edge, when a curious thing happened. We were just chilling, talking internet shit, when we heard this dude behind us all, "Yeah, it’s called Nashville is Talking, and it’s a great way to see what people in Nashville are talking about. It has all these blogs on the right-hand side that update automatically, and on the right it’s more editorial…Yeah, man, Stacey Campfield has a blog…yep, NashvilleIsTalking.com."

Now, in all the two plus years I worked for WKRN I never, ever overheard anyone talk about my blog. A week after I quit, the site gets some word-of-mouth. Figures.

Anyway, that was weird, but not quite as weird as the staggeringly drunk redneck who came tumbling out of the door, walked up to B and mumbled something about "What the hell…eating…" His friend quickly told Juiced Up John to straighten up, while I gave them my very best What the Fuck Face. A minute later John was rubbing his jean shorts-clad ass on some woman’s Ford pickup. John was tore down and it wasn’t even 6 p.m.

I need to get out more.

UPDATE: I feel like an asshole for not knowing that’s what was said at my table last night. I’m mad as hell now, and feel like going Sycamore Rec on that fucker.

I am not interested in manifestos. I’m not going to write a long, elaborate explanation or apology. I feel like what I’ve said can speak for itself, and the rest–the lies about me having another job lined up, the misconception that I was fired, the endless declarations of my idiocy and ill-will–will have to stand on their own as well. When people Google my name and discover all these most recent insults and charges, I trust that they will consider the broader context of everything that happened, which will undoubtedly be an easier task from a spot way on down the road. Am I naive to think that? Probably.

I hold no grudges nor harbor any hard feelings. I don’t have it in me to even address what just happened in my life as a "Left Eats Its Own," as it has been framed over and over again. I got caught up in the petty rat and tat of online political discussion, complete with barbs and low blows, but I am no longer able to do that. I just don’t care anymore. It was never healthy. And it certainly doesn’t matter.

Because of things like this I will never forsake my beloved internets. There are too many awe-inspiring, soul-stirring, mind-bending things to behold here on the tubes that I wouldn’t tune out and miss it for the world. But I am no longer here to argue. I was never good at it anyway.

I went on vacation to visit the boyfriend’s family in Chattanooga. We played Goony Golf, wherein I kicked the ass of all three of my skilled opponents. We also hit the batting cages, something I was soooo excited to do, something I hadn’t done in years. Once inside and helmeted up, I proceeded to whiff over and over and over again. It was embarrassing. I could barely get the bat around in time. For someone who was talking big about how incredible it was going to feel to really "connect with the ball again," that was a sizable lesson in humility. That spawned my kittenish (ahem) behavior once we hit the go karts; I was a beaten woman. Still the ride was pretty sweet, and my ass didn’t get wet like my companion’s due to some drenched kid just before her. Small victories.

We went to visit Civil War battlefields with the boyfriend’s sister’s war buff boyfriend. Thanks to Battle for Chattanooga Museum I learned that I was sitting on a mountain once stained by the blood of tens of thousands of men, and just as many horses. There was this cheesy little diorama-like presentation with little red Christmas lights that lit up the out-of-scale mountain and ridges, and it was awesome. I forgot all about my web woes by putting it all in context, remembering that I am a speck of insignificance in this world and that any lingering anguish in all for naught. It was a delight and a relief.

I spent time with my pets and my boyfriend’s family, who is very much like my family. I read books instead of blogs, and I slept in late and lounged outdoors in the sun in my pajamas. I saw true sadness–the slow loss of an aging parent, and my perspective was sharpened.

Today is the last day of my previously scheduled vacation. I feel the urge to dive into finding something else, but I am also compelled to take this time to just sit still and reflect. It is a powerful, but wonderful struggle. I feel wholly human again, something I haven’t experienced for a while for a lot of complicated reasons.

I have emails to write and thank yous to give and a resume to perfect, but I am thankful for this time and the ability to sit and write this. I am blessed beyond all my comprehension.

UPDATE: Come to the Flying Saucer Thursday night! Buy me drinks! I will tell you all my secrets! It will be awesome! (Thanks, Katherine.)

Cooper gets it on, but when Tootie tries to get hers he ain’t having it.

Humpin’ from brittney gilbert on Vimeo

Someone who was vocal in supporting me after I got railroaded by a bunch of reactionary retards has now had their job threatened. Someone who disagreed that WKRN and I are not racist bigots who piss on people’s graves has now had an anonymous internet user contact the university where they teach to inform them of an online disagreement. The first person to respond to the almost unbelievable tale says it best:

Oh geez.

"The Ghost of Adolph Rupp" now has to live the rest of his life
knowing he actually took the time to send the laborious details of an
online disagreement to someone’s bosses. He really, seriously spent
precious moments of his time on earth to do this.

Hmm.  Maybe "pity" is the only appropriate response for me to have to him.

I have to be honest and tell you that my entire perception of the internet and online communications has to be reevaluated after all this.