I remember reading somewhere about the theory that for the American lower- to middle-class consumer, the restaurant experience is just as much about the opportunity to boss someone around — to be in charge, for once — as it is about the food.If you get poor service, leave a smaller tip. But the chest-thumping belligerence — leaving nasty notes, the temper tantrum, the one-penny classic — does nothing but underscore that the power trip you get from having your own table servant for an hour satisfies a strong psychological need for you, and that whoever denies you that experience risks your impotent wrath.
Try spending some time thinking of yourself as a person who is at leisure to be patient and generous, and see which approach makes you feel more powerful.
Ran across this sentiment somewhere on the interwebs. I have never seen such an apt description of a good portion of my customers from my years and years of waiting tables. This is an idea I’ve tried to convey many, many times over, but never quite succeeded. Read and heed.
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During one of my darker periods, I was the bartender at the Ruby Tuesdays on West End.
There is no other experience I can think of that will reinforce negative stereotypes of lower income Americans than taking their order of fried foods, on what was obviously their Big Night Out at a Fancy Restaurant.
I am the total opposite. I always feel guilty about, say, asking for a refill on my iced tea or whatever. It comes from constantly being told while growing up “get up and get it yourself, your legs aren’t broken”.
And the grating of cheese or crushed pepper on my food? It always makes me feel like I’m 7 and mom’s cutting my meat for me.
Everyone should have to be a bartender/waiter at some point in their life.
DO NOT FILL UP ON MY BREAKING UPDATES AND BUTTER BEFORE YOU EAT THE SEVENTY POUND BURRITOCHANGALOSSUS OR YOU WILL NEVER WIN THE FREE DESSERT
Which is precisely why today I tipped a guy $6 for bringing me two $5 glasses of wine. He was friendly and efficient so he deserved it, but it was as much about me as it was about him.
I’ve always judged people based on how they treat servers in restaurants. It doesn’t take much to be polite and respectful to someone who is bringing you food. And as to the not tipping - well, if my service was poor, and it was obviously the server’s fault, then I will only tip 15% instead of my usual 20% or higher - but I refuse to never leave a tip at all. I’ve had way too many friends in food service to do that.
Over at PassiveAgressiveNotes.com a debate is raging about whether it is ever acceptable to not tip. The number of “I’ll stiff a waiter for bad service” and “it’s called a gratuity, not a mandatory” comments is ridiculous and made me think of this post. Some people — actually many, apparently — don’t fucking get it. I’m glad I’ve left the restaurant industry.
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