Entries Tagged 'Assorted' ↓

What an amazing world we live in.

Proof: Make your wildest wishes known, be brave, and they just might come true faster and in ways more unexpected than you ever knew possible.

I wish that stupid restaurant wasn’t so fucking popular. I’m never going to be able to find out why.

I adore The Ax Files:

You know this guy I moved cross country with in 1981 gave me a violet one day, out of the blue—and I saved it. He moved to SF and I moved to Portland. He wrote to me later and I wrote back, enclosing the dried violet, which I though he would be touched I held on to. He took it to mean, fuck you, here’s your fucking violet back. You just can never tell what going on with people. I actually at one time, had every rose, dried, that anyone had ever given me. When I was moving from an apartment into the house I bought, I was moving the vases with the dried roses onto the truck and they were falling onto the street and getting stepped on. Someone told me, “It’s time to say goodbye to the roses, dear.”

This should not exist:

I love cheese, even American, and I love tacos, and burgers are okay by me, too, but this thing needs to crawl back to the boardroom from whence it came.

Do you see that? Does it hurt your eyes? It’s my hair. It’s so shiny that people around me are putting on their shades.

I’ve only used it one time, but I am now a permanent user of John Frieda’s Luminous Color Glaze. It made my hair butter soft, sparkly shiny and a little bit blonder with just one application. According to the package, the more you use the glaze, the more it works, promising softer, smoother, shinier, more colorful hair. They do not lie. This product is unbelievable.

I’d read rave reviews of the glaze online, with women straight up calling it God’s Gift. Since it’s about ten bucks it didn’t break the bank, so I bought some. In fact, I got two bottles on sale for $15. I went ahead and got the twofer, because all the high praise had me convinced I’d love it. And I do.

I want you to have shiny hair, too. Your lovah will not be able to keep their hands out of it. People will stop you in the street just to admire your tresses. And you only have to slap it on in the shower.

[Disclaimer: I bought the shit myself, and no one paid me to write this.]

I gotta find some time to take a ride on the 22:

And so the driver, for whatever reason, had to slam on the brakes and everyone lurches forward. And one lady was like, “Ohhhh my neck.” And some other lady was like, “Owwww, my back.” And the bus starts to rumble, “My neck, my back, Lick my pussy and my crack,” until the ENTIRE bus is chanting the dirty version from Khia. They all knew the words.

Any of you out there who are childless have (used to have) an IUD? Email me, I’d love to ask you a few thousand questions.

I never have ideas like this. So, I’m gonna steal it.

My imaginary car wears this and this.

This has been up at the Mexican grocery since Christmas, and I just noticed that it’s still up yesterday, on June 1st.